TdF Post-Preview

Some of you are probably wondering why I'm not all aflutter over the Tour de France.

Well... there's basically been so much "ick" factor this year, that I'm kind of burnt out on it a little bit.

First off, there's the usual doping scandals, off the back burner and heat turned up to "Med-High" thanks to Floyd Landis' story, "You Can Believe Me Now! No, Really!" As I've noted about dopers before, I'll be a lot more impressed with the character of an ex-doper when he is a pro at the top of his game and comes clean without being caught. Becoming a truth-teller as a last resort just isn't morally spectacular, Floyd.

Then there's the insanity, apparently believed by some, that a 195 pound Fabian Cancellara, with a history of great flatland performance, needs an electric motor to beat 140 pound guys in bumpy flat road races and flat time trials.

Then there's Lance, who could have filled the John Malkovitch role in "Being John Malkovitch." This year, he's answered the question, can anybody have too much Lance? Or, translated into Versus and VeloNewsSpeak, "Lance Lancy Lance Lance Lance Lancelancelance?"

Then there's Versus... "The Tour de Frantz... The Most Epic Race Ever!" Really? I dunno. From the standpoint of "Epic = Worthy of Storytelling by the Tribe," the Giro has been kicking the TdF's ass for the last few years. The Strade Bianca stage this year alone was enough to keep elderly, toothless old roadies yammering around the camp fire and scaring espoirs for the next 60 years. Then there was the weather. Then there was last year's uphill TT that Jens nearly podiumed on, a sure proof of hellishness since Jens is, as far as I can tell, the guy who ferries other riders across the River Styx. So the TdF isn't Teh Most Epicest Race Ever even among the grand tours. And what about the Ruta de los Conquistadores, the Great Divide Race, RAAM, the Cape Epic, and other ridiculous tests of cycling strength and endurance? Nevermind some of the one day classics - who said epic needs to be 20 stages? Hercules only had 12 labors, Christ only got crucified once, and there was only one Battle of Stalingrad, yet we still consider all that stuff pretty damned (pretty saved?) epic, right?

And Phil Liggett... I'm convinced that he's only still on the job because (1) people with a few years around cycling have warm memories of the yoeman work he's done over the years; and (2) his constant mistaking of one rider for another and one team for the other makes casual fans feel better about having told co-workers about how Hushovd Farrar-Cavendish won with a great sprint the other night at the Tour of Roubaix.

Phil Ligget circa 2010 = John Madden circa 2006. Discuss.

Lance Armstrong = Brett Favre. Discuss.

Mark C[h]avendish = John Rocker. Discuss.

Contador: that he's a great flat land TT'er alongside much bigger men is not suspicious at all. Discuss.

Nevertheless, it's been interesting so far and I am watching. Maybe I'll catch the fever yet.

Artist's Impression: Stage 1 of the TdF