My friend FatMarc, who had a very rough week, asks a tough question. In a fight between the following, who would win?

Curious George vs. Paddington Bear
Bill Shatner vs. Adam West
Magnum PI vs. Rockford
A Team (classic) vs. McGyver

I had a good answer for it, but it was definitely too long for comments. So here goes.

- Curious George vs. Paddington Bear

Classic martial arts question there - what is the better fighting style, monkey or bear? In my instance, bear is definitely more effective, totally suited to my physique and temperament. But all things being equal... all things would be equal. It'd come down to the weapons portion of the competition, and if Curious George could get hold of the hammer that he used in Curious George Gets a Job, he'd win. Plus Curious George Rides a Bike allegedly inspired George Hincapie to take up crit racing, so I gotta go with the monkey.

- Bill Shatner vs. Adam West

Shatner, easily. He ravaged half the females in the universe, went gold on an album despite how bad everybody knew it was, starred with Heather Locklear, and has had a career resurgence that nicely co-incides with the renewed popularity of that other ham-like product, bacon. Plus he inducted Jerry "The King" Lawler into the Wrestling Hall of Fame." Adam West? He made a career out of acting campy. No contest.

- Magnum PI vs. Rockford

Rockford in a heartbeat. First of all, he owned that beat up mobile home and that Firebird he drove around in. Magnum? No visible means of support and no assets. He lived in the guest house of an older writer's mansion, drove the older writer's Ferrari, at the older guy's food, and drank the older guy's booze while traipsing around Hawaii, which was cool but it all made him look like a rent boy. Then there's the time served - Magnum served in 'nam as a SEAL, and allegedly a QB at Annapolis (apparently in the less-successful post-Staubach era), so he was no slouch. But Jimbo served in Folsom, and while Magnum could rely on two service buddies and knowledge of conventional weapons and SCUBA gear, Jimbo can call on his trusty shank, the entire Aryan Nation, and a presumably unstoppable supply of crystal meth - and believe me, you don't want to be a fight with a tweaker. Plus Jimbo hangs out with disbarred lawyers, which I hope to be someday. Magnum does have an edge in his mentor - Higgins is the actual badass on that show, and although Rocky is pretty cool, he's only a retired trucker, not a veteran of the SOE and the China-Burma-India theater with Generals Stillwell and Wingate, and Rocky was definitely never awarded the Victoria Cross. In fact, Higgins' presence is the only reason this one is close at all; he has more badassed street cred than Angel, Finally, Isaac Hayes played "Fitch" on the Rockford Files. The only way Magnum could have topped that is if T.C. had a crazy informant cousin played by Bootsy Collins. He didn't, so Rockford Wins.

- A Team (classic) vs. McGyver

This isn't even close and I don't know why this weakass shit was brought around here in the first place. McGyver's Rube Goldberg contraptions would be totally thrown out of kilter by the first A-Team-caused explosion, and that's before we get into the rolling and jumping vehicles (more conveniently located ramps to jump off than the Dukes of Hazzard) the AK-47's, and the Team's willingness to destroy their own van episode after episode. And, serious question - do you think McGyver's even capable of knocking out Mr. T to get him onto an aircraft? No. I didn't think so.