UCI: "Of course we didn't take bribes to protect our business interests. We have integrity!"
Typical Four-nicator: "A real man rocks 53:39, on an 11-23 cassette. Compacts are for old men and only a woozie runs 34:26 gearing, I don't care if you're on the Zoncolan."
German Pro Cyclist: "Of course alcohol was involved in my car crash. I am a German pro cyclist and drinking heavily and crashing Porsches is what we do to soothe our existential dread. Now if I was Belgian, it'd be X and a 14 year-old girl...."
Mark Cavendish: "You stay classy, San Diego!"
Giro Organizer: Uphill 10 mile dirt road time trial? Sure! Starting the race on another continent and having a cruel 9 hour transfer? Why the hell not! Y'know, I've been thinking about including a cyclocross stage in the race... maybe a downhill four-cross stage too. Hey, pass that Dutchy on the *left* hand side, Stefano..."
[Ed. I actually like Angelo Zomegnan. He's the reason the Giro is such
a compelling race each year... ]