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I hate Duke. Viscerally. In a bone-deep sorta way. Didn't hate 'em that way when I was at UNC but watching Zoubek elbow and knee his way through the Tournament - and through De'Sean Butler's Former NBA Future - made me realize I hate Duke in a sneering-at-the-neighbor-who-is-listed-on-the-sex-offender-registry way. All of a sudden on Saturday night, for no apparent reason, I lost my shit and started screaming at the TV. At Duke. At Kitschchefski.
Damn, that feels good. I HATE Duke.
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I hate Apple too. Why? Because they think we're all stupid and they do what they can to infantilize us. Too stupid to be able to replace a battery. Too stupid to be able to read books with dirty words - or words that look dirty to Apple even if they aren't. Censoring "s***m whale" in Moby Dick, but not censoring the word D*** in the title of the book? WTF?
Plus their marketing is totally full of shit and so many not-cool-enough-to-be-hipsters buy into it. Apple appliances contain 133% more Smug than any other consumer product, with the possible exception of Subaru cars, and Priuses in that shining era before Congress told us that Toyota is The Very Heart of Darkness a couple weeks ago.
I bet Ed Begley ditched the Prius and now drives a Chevy, but I also bet that he still has an I-Pod, an I-Phone, a MacBook, and the new I-Pad.
For proof that plenty of us are stupid and buy Apple's marketing bullshit, look no further than the web's gushing, splattering and overflowing font of conventional wisdom. If Apple designed doors, they'd all open automatically, but after a few years, none of its users would know how to use a doorknob. Many of us are stupid when we buy an Apple product, and the Apple product is guaranteed to make us stupider.
Yet people line up to buy Apple's shit and their condescension gladly. I will confess to owning an I-Pod but only because I'm forced to so that I can listen to music on the go without dragging a 4 pound appliance around. This is kind of like how you're forced to buy gas even if you hate oil companies. There's no other way but to buy their products. We're getting stuck with Apple because we're stuck in a lowest common denominator world, and Apple caters to the technical lowest common denominator who have trouble remembering how to turn on the lights in the kitchen, dial a phone, or for that matter, change a battery in their computer. Never mind how they absolutely screw over developers who would like to be able to sell little bits of software that Apple users could buy to make their lives better. No life-bettering, unless Steve Jobs approves of it.
Apple certainly has a number of orthopedists on staff to treat the stomach muscles torn and ribs cracked from the uncontrollable convulsive laughter of Apple designers who spend their days thinking up new ways to insult the consumer. "Hey, let's make a new product that runs on batteries, and we will make it so they can't change the batteries on their own, but have to come groveling back to us to do it. We'll also make it so that the only programmers who can make apps for it, are people we personally approve of."
It's entirely possible that Steve Jobs is Don Rickles' love child.
I hate Apple.
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I don't like liver very much either.
17 comments:
I'm with you, James. I do not own anything Apple. They constantly bash the PC and by doing so, insult those of us who have no problem with ours.
I'd like to see that smug douche bag in their ads explain why their shit costs so much. I feel sorry for a lot of kids I go to school with that can't do their home work in their I-WTF because they can't run the most common educational apps. But they do look cool trying. At least they have that going for them.
I love it when they call the usual "yeah, but you can just run VMWare and have an virtual XP box right there on your Mac."
So...you have to pay for two operating system licenses so that you can look at your WKO stuff. Congrats
Well I am glad it is not just me. I find Macs so non intuitive, I have been moved to tears when forced to use one. Some of us used to use Prime and Unix for heavens sake, and it never occurs to us to drag and drop anything.
I do love my ipod though, but mostly because it was a gift from my son and was loaded with about 30 hours of doof doof to cycle by. Sweet.
Yeah I'm with you on liver and Duke, but not apples.
I held off on an iPod (not because it did for portable music what the Walkman did) because I wanted to wait until they combined it with the phone. Hated the thought of carrying multiple portable discretionary convenience devices. I could do without all the fanboy action, too, but that's how it goes.
I just fell in love with you a little bit -- in a purely hetero dude way -- based on your feelings re. Duke.
Hinkle Fieldhouse is quite literally in my backyard; I heard a lot of screaming at TVs Monday night. Oh well...
I dislike Apple because they are operating on a weird sort of elitism. "We build machines for stupid people who are hip - you aren't stupid or hip so you're a dork." It's like Jobs (and the Apple evangelists) got picked on in high school because they were socially inept. So now they've created this clique where, to get in, you have to sort of admit you're dumb about technology, and in exchange for that, Apple tells you that you are cool. Yeah, sure, the products can do some pretty cool things. But they are limited because Apple doesn't believe in letting people do what they want; they only believe in letting people do what they want when it's also what Apple wants.
It's like they're the dumb jocks of the tech world.
AH - I don't like that Hayward kid and how Butler plays generally. That team is painful to watch, and if the NCAA refs called fouls any more, Butler wouldn't have gone anywhere given its reliance on jersey pulling and flat out shoving inside the paint. That said, I'd root for Satan's own lunchtim pickup team to beat Duke at this point.
Well Jim,
I may have to take my iWhatever and get the battery changed but I've never had it go down to a virus and pay extra to protect it's software from some kind of bot.
They don't get sick that you have to have a geek fiddling with them all the time but when they blow up they blow up big, I have learned that so back them up.
And the operating system I don't find dumb... I find it simple. We've forgotten simple looks like in our lives these days, so that simple now looks dumb to us. If it's not complicated it's got to be dumb?
And wasn't it Mr. Gates that wouldn't let my Mac talk to his PC's for years trying to drive his pal Steve out of business, so that I had to spend hundreds extra to send and open office on my mac because I chose to use it's superior graphics programs as most in the arts do. No trying to control the world there... what goes around comes around Billy Boy.
Oh, I don't think Steve is behind the new electronic shifters on bikes. Who is going to magically pop out of the ditch and change the batteries on that baby when it won't shift 125k out of town? Those look pretty simple or should I say dumb.
But what do I know, I'm just an iPlumber. Shit runs downhill, payday's on Thursday.
Rant over... I feel better now.
-B
Bluenoser - you forgot the third rule-don't chew your finger nails.
I know what you mean about Duke. But liver? Come on!! Butter, flour, pepper, onions... mmmmmmmmm
Boz,
Hey I gave that up when I tuned twenty and realized women weren't scary.
Oh Jim, I love liver and onions. First thing I ate after the blowout when I was glad to be alive.
-B
Jim, why dont you just say you hate me. I own 3 mac's, 2 iphones and I drive a subaru.
The mac's are so much better in my opinion because I never had one crash on me (owned one for 9 years now). Now I have gone through 3 pcs in that time frame. If I'm going to get a 300 dollar machine I guess thats what I am going to get, a computer that will break down after a year. The other nice thing is that when you buy a mac you do not have to take off all the crap the pc manufacturers load up like AOL internet and Symantec/macaffee.
I-phones are cool because they are pretty simplistic. I have all my music and a phone in one place, it syncs to my Itunes pretty easily. Plus the amount of apps are pretty nice. If somebody else comes out with something better then I would consider it but the convenience is the winner.
I would consider getting an I-pad if we cancelled our cable. We are infront of the computers more than the tv.
I bought my outback because it had room to take my crap across country and I did not know if we would be stationed in Colorado. AWD baby.
Maybe I am smug...
Great two posts, loved the northeast branch notes because I traveled that for a year.
I was basking so much in the glow of the anti-Duke rant I missed the Subaru shot. Damn dude, that's some bitter you got going on there.
Subaru makes an f-ing good car that fills its niche incredibly well. That's not smugness, that just understanding your target consumer and not diluting your brand. (Full disclosure, I drive a WRX.)
Mac, well yeah, I hear ya on some of that. I really like their desk/laptops. iPods are grat devices as well. iPhone, not so much. Most of that is due to it having the AT&T anchor around its neck, but I'd still take my Sprint Android over the iPhone any day. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the iPad. What unmet need is this fulfilling?
k-y-l-e j-o-n-e-s
subaru -made with love, driven with hate
duke haters - dont get that, great school, clean program, graduates, white b-ball player?! seriously?!
i will let this one go since i am using an i-mac right now, my iphone is in my pocket, nano is charging, old-ass shuffle is in my jersey, wife is using black macbook to sync her iphone, and I really really want an ipad.
that said, i am from AL, chew tobacco, and drive a pickup truck. usually with a bike and/or dog in it.
One of my more visited sites.
http://www.anythingbutipod.com/
After killing 3 shuffles, I had it.
If I'm going to break a mp3 player, I'm not going to pay a premium.
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