Scientists conclude: Asteroid wiped out dinosaurs.
But can you imagine how different life would be, if the Earth hadn't been hit by a dinosaur-destroying asteroid? For one thing, it'd totally screw up all our religious iconography.
It would also add a whole new dimension of excitement to mountain biking.
In other news, a guy was arrested in Michigan for running an illegal circumcision ring. Up until he was busted, I hear business was brisk.
Cops in Greenville Tennesee, upset at a growing profusion of vultures that vomit half eaten carrion all over the place, have taken to killing them, and hanging their carcasses from trees. Apparently, it's working pretty well to get rid of the vultures. One has to wonder if this tactic wouldn't work just as well with drug dealers, murderers, and people who use their phones in movie theaters.
Speaking of which, a man in a movie theater last week asked a woman to stop talking on the phone, so she stabbed him in the neck with a meat thermometer. I have three thoughts about this. First, it's exactly backwards; if anybody should be stabbed in the neck with a meat thermometer, it's people who talk on the phone in theaters, not the people who have a problem with that behavior. Second, do you think we should hang the people who talk in theaters on the entrances to theaters, or at least hang their cellphones, as a warning to the others? If it works for vultures... Third: who takes a meat thermometer to a theater anyhow? Am I missing some new trend in self defense? What was the woman going to use the thermometer for if she didn't stab the guy?
If you're interpreting this pile of rambling as "must be raining hard and Jim ain't ridin'," then you're a perceptive sonofagun.