But can you imagine how different life would be, if the Earth hadn't been hit by a dinosaur-destroying asteroid? For one thing, it'd totally screw up all our religious iconography.
It would also add a whole new dimension of excitement to mountain biking.
In other news, a guy was arrested in Michigan for running an illegal circumcision ring. Up until he was busted, I hear business was brisk.
Cops in Greenville Tennesee, upset at a growing profusion of vultures that vomit half eaten carrion all over the place, have taken to killing them, and hanging their carcasses from trees. Apparently, it's working pretty well to get rid of the vultures. One has to wonder if this tactic wouldn't work just as well with drug dealers, murderers, and people who use their phones in movie theaters.
Speaking of which, a man in a movie theater last week asked a woman to stop talking on the phone, so she stabbed him in the neck with a meat thermometer. I have three thoughts about this. First, it's exactly backwards; if anybody should be stabbed in the neck with a meat thermometer, it's people who talk on the phone in theaters, not the people who have a problem with that behavior. Second, do you think we should hang the people who talk in theaters on the entrances to theaters, or at least hang their cellphones, as a warning to the others? If it works for vultures... Third: who takes a meat thermometer to a theater anyhow? Am I missing some new trend in self defense? What was the woman going to use the thermometer for if she didn't stab the guy?
If you're interpreting this pile of rambling as "must be raining hard and Jim ain't ridin'," then you're a perceptive sonofagun.
6 comments:
She must have been a line cook. I used to find myself with inappropriate items all the time - like the time I tried to carry on my 20 piece knife kit (I forgot it was in my roll on). Thank God it was pre 9/11 or I would have had a little more hassle than, "Sir would you please check this."
Regardless I agree with you. I would of taken it out of my neck, read the temperature and told her, "this cold blooded asshole is going to stab you in the eyeballs with your own thermometer."
Anon - As Col. Jeff Cooper used to say, there's no such thing as a dangerous weapon; there's just dangerous men. Remind me though if we're drinking together sometime, to keep the turkey baster, the mandoline, and most of all the Salad Shooter locked up in the gun cabinet.
OK Jim, Into Halifax harbour they used to have a place off an island called Hangmans Beach. There they used to take deserters those that raised hands to officers and whatnot charge them and hang them in the public square. Did I mention this was the British military in Canada and about 1800.
Then they would tar and feather the corpse to make it last longer in the weather and hang them off gibbits on this beach so that the military on the way into the harbour would take notice that if you got out of line this is what would happen. As many as twenty to thirty would be hanging there.
Now to the to the meat termometer... some particular touchy women in the ways of reproduction are having a hard time and it makes them edgy to say the least. One method is to know their so called baby making oven temperature at all times on top of having raging hormones and who know what happening.
My guess is that buddy was in the right place at the wrong time of a reproduction stage that he knew noting about.
One in one out.
-B
Perfectly reasonable to have a meat thermometer at a movie theater. Most are in malls now. Right next to the Bed, Bath and Beyond.
Still stabbing a guy tell you to stop talking on a cell phone in a movie theater is a stupid reason to go to jail.
I'd try to picture the righteous fisting she's gonna get in the slam, but I'm pretty squeamish, so I wont got there.
Holy shit. That comment thread just set a land speed record for going from mildly gore-y to "oh, God, I'll never un-see that image."
BlueNoser - yeah, the British Navy got a bum rap (ahem) for rum, sodomy and the lash, but the British Army was a far, far more brutal place, based on disciplinary records. Probably because desertion was easier, and it was easier to be a moron officer (with the corresponding disgruntled troops) in the Army. One had to actually know a few things to be a Navy officer, and the officers lived in fear of mutiny. This seems to have tempered things in the human resources department.
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