20 Questions: Joe Jefferson

I’m doing a periodic series called 20 questions. My plan is to ask 15 or 20 questions of people on the MABRA velo / cross / MTB scene, or of interest to it, and to shed a little light on the darkness. I'm doing this because a lot of the people I've met racing - including some administrators and refs - are fine, fine people, with very interesting stories to tell. I figure that a lot of you might like to know more about the people who race with you, coach you, fix your bikes, ref your races, and make the racing scene in the Mid-Atlantic.

This week’s interview is with Joe Jefferson, who emcees and promotes races, including: MABRA Senior Criterium Championship, Tour of Washington County, Fort Ritchie Classic and Breast Cancer Awareness Cyclocross Challenge. You probably know Joe if you’ve come around the corner in a crit, struggling to hold on, and you hear this booming voice over the loudspeaker system urging you to work a bit harder to catch back on, insulting your taste in cycling socks, or both. Joe also traditionally runs “The Back Nine” at the NCVC’s Ed Sander Memorial / Lillypons cross race. He occasionally drops bombs on the MABRA listserve, soliciting opinions on serious issues, or just making funny cracks about people. Joe isn’t to everybody’s taste; in fact when I first heard him at the races, I didn’t like him much. I’ve since come to appreciate his brand of humor quite a bit and I deeply respect him for promoting a lot of races, and for bringing a lot of added joy to our events.


1) Say, aren’t you Joe Jefferson? What’s your deal?

Age: 44
Hometown: Hagerstown, MD
Where you live now: Hagerstown, MD
Family situation: Married with 9 year old twins. (Boy and Girl)
What you do in ‘real life’ when you aren’t doing bicycling stuff: Director of Cooperative Education at Shepherd University


2) What was your first bike? What do you remember about riding it?

First racing bike as a electric blue Shogun 600 with Shimano 600 components. I remember it had those tire savers on it to prevent flats and that they would make this cool humming noise when I would crank it up. This was the bike in which I first started doing rides of over an hour in duration.


3) What kind of riding do you currently do?

I attempt to maintain some sort of racing fitness but have been restricted by time and a shift in my priorities. Family obligations and announcing have moved racing to the back burner, so I go hard when I can get out and look to train for one or two specific races a year. Everything else is just a race for survival. I tend to ride my cross bike on the local fire roads or C& O Canal in the winter but only when it is to cold or windy to hit the road.


4) How did you get into race emceeing?

I started announcing at the races that our team (AVC) promoted. Then I started to request from other promoters like Arch McKown, Jon Wirsing and others, from there things started to grow.


5) Is your involvement in race publicity activity limited to emceeing? If not, what else do you do?

I really don’t have a business per se but I do announce other sporting event and work at weddings or parties. My co-promoter (Tim Lung) and I have assisted other clubs with promoting events and we work together to direct the Antietam Velo Club which is sponsored by the Washington County Convention and Visitors Bureau.


6) What are the most fun type of events to work? Do you have a favorite?

I love to work at any venue that can gather and enthusiastic crowd. The best races are the ones that are promoted in the center of their host cities. The Bethesda Grand Prix was one of my favorites, and the Reston Town Center Grand Prix has established itself as a longstanding and fine downtown event. The Grand Prix of Wilmington is a classic because there is so much happening on every block, while Bike Jam in Baltimore has an 11 year history of bringing the best to Charm City. The Capital Criterium, CSC Invitational and the US Air Force Classic are also great events, but they have the financial resources to outsource some of the promotional duties.

The cross circuit is a completely different monster and Charm City Cross has raised the bar in terms of race promotions. The back nine at NCVC’s Ed Sander race at Lillypons is great too. Cyclocross is two parts competition, one part dance club and one part frat party.

Oh I almost forgot to mention the Manayunk Wall in Philadelphia as well as Lemon Hill. Both of those locations are must visit race venues.


7) Is there any type of event you dread working? Care to name names?

Time Trials “And they’re off. . . and they’re back.”


8) You’ve seen a lot of racers plying their trade. Which ones do you remember, and why?

I saw Sean Yates racing a criterium in DC without a helmet. He came through the first turn so fast that the entire bike started to slide out yet he still managed to ride it out.

I saw Bryon Walton ride from Westminster to Hagerstown to compete in a race. He won the event and then rode back home.

I was at the race in Philly when Lance won the Triple Crown and when Bart Bowen became the first rider to solo in the event.

I got Greg Lemond’s World Championship gloves after he raced in Philly. He went on the when the Tour later in the year.

I remember seeing Erik Saunders (former local star) place in the top 20 in Philly.

One of the coolest was the 2006 National Road Championships when I announced the Road Race the Ramon Benitez won. I also announced the TT and the Criterium, and Ramon podiumed in all of them.


9) What’s the high point you’ve experienced as a result of your involvement in racing?

From a racing standpoint I enjoyed several Cat 4 wins, but the best was winning one of the earlier Hagerstown Challenge Crits. Placing third in the 2006 edition of this event as a cat III was one of my best results ever.

In announcing, getting the chance to announce the 2006 National Championships and the final stage of the 2006 Tour De Toona were career highlights, but they pale compared to the honor I felt when Richard Fries asked me to co-announce the 2008 Harlem Skyscraper Crit. Richard is a guy I look up to as something of an announcing mentor and role model. So when he is asking me to be involved in an event it means a lot.


10) What’s the lowest moment you’ve lived through as a result of racing?

The fact that I still have the opportunity to race from time to time keeps everything in perspective. I know that I can be competitive “if” I come in to the event prepared physically and mentally, but racing in MABRA is not like it used to be. There are very few opportunities to sit in and get warmed up during the event. You need to be fueled up and warmed up from the start or be prepared to sit on the sidelines and talk about what could have been. I have had very few low points, but there were two memorable rides where I was praying to be shot. Two years ago I met Ramon Benitez in Frederick for what was to be an “easy” four hour ride with “some climbing. Four and a half hours later I was begging to be left on the side of the road. Last year I went out for another four hour ride with my team, after not being on the bike for about two months. I told my wife that this was the dumbest thing I had done that year. And it was, until I followed up the ride by taking my kids to see High School Musical II.


11) You tell a lot of jokes, make cracks, and sometimes encourage racers. Where do you come up with your material? Some of it is really hilarious, but not everybody appreciates the high wire act that humor entails.

As I youngster I grew up in a neighborhood were most kids cracked jokes about each other (by the dozens). You had to have thick skin and be creative and that is where I started with getting my material if you will. Some inspiration comes from episodes of Sanford and Son along with the Richard Pryor eight tracks, but a lot of the stuff is off the cuff and I can sometimes cause raised eye brows. I walk a fine line and I hope that people see it as entertainment. You can’t make everybody happy but I try to keep the majority pleased. It’s a work in progress.


12) Do you get feedback from racers on your commentary? What feedback sticks out most in your mind?

Many riders know me and give me great feedback. One sticks out. I once said Marc Frazer was going out the back faster than a bowling ball down an elevator shaft. Marc emailed me the next day and said enough with the bowling ball jokes but it was all in fun.

[Ed. Marc is short and built like a brick house – an extremely fast brick house.]

Facebook has let people give me a lot of feedback, and most of it is positive. As an announcer my primary goal is to please the people that pay me, and I think I do that. Ultimately, my life expectancy in this career is dependent on how well the peloton receives me.


13) As somebody who promotes racing in this area, how have noticed the racing scene changing over the years?

There are far fewer club/teams promoting races now as compared to the past and the season has tending to be top heavy. What I mean is that there are a boat load of races up until the middle of July and then the local racing seems to drop. Road races are few and far between as are time trials. Business park criteriums are also on the decline.

[Yeah, well, I’m not sure 1.5 mile turn-left-four-times races are all that much fun for racers – they tend to look all alike. Neighborhood crits, on the other hand, and downtown crits, are lovely…]

Our club (AVC) is promoting a stage race some what like the old Giro De Coppi but we struggle with securing enough road guards for the road stage every year. I am sure that many teams fear the work it takes to promote events, and as a consequence a lot of riders have to travel out of state to compete in road races or time trials.

One other thing that I have noticed this year is the increase in participants all across the board. We (AVC) had over 400 participants in Fort Ritchie and that is our highest number ever. The City Bike RFK Criterium was another event that showed an increase in overall rider participation. Many events have enough riders on the wait list to stage a separate race.


14) Where do you see the local race scene going in the future?

The MABRA region is a hot bed for talent so the competitive aspect of racing will only get better. Economics may play a part in dictating race promotions but I don’t think that most riders are in this sport for the money. We are smarter than that. The biggest threat to the road scene is the constant shifting of dates in the NRC calendar. I think that the Tour of California has changed their date to correspond with the weekend that Wilmington and Baltimore events are schedule. The domino affect of this is that they will have to shift days and the lower budgeted events will then have to scramble for whatever is left. This may result in fewer events in the region in the future.

Cyclocross is the new big kid on the block and that aspect of the sport will only grow. I wish that the cross season would start later thus giving road racers the opportunity to compete in longer road events in September. Then the cross season could last until late January. Cyclocross in the snow, now isn’t that an interesting idea.


15) Can you name some of your favorite people to work with in this area – promoters, officials, and other people – and tell us why you like working with them? What makes them stand out?

Rob Laybourne because he has done this for so long and he trusts the staff that he hires. Randy Inglis for many of the same reasons but also because he trusted me to deliver the goods at the next level. I am a being selfish in saying this but I have respect for any promoter that has hired me as they were building their events, and then remembered me when their event made it to the next level.

Promoting an event can suck at times. So, I actually have a lot of love for every promoter regardless of whether they work with me, or some other announcer. I especially respect the promoters who somehow manage to secure the same great venues year after year. Teams like Evolution come to mind when I think of this.

Jim Patton is one of my favorite officials as well as Lou Strader but that has not always been the case. It is fair to say that as a promoter I have butted heads with most officials on more than one occasion. Still, these guys bring their A games most of the time. I have a lot of love for Judy Miller and Dave from Big Guys Group, for the work that they do and a lot of respect for out moto-officials. All you have to do is travel outside of the MABRA region to gain a sense of how much better thing are here. I have been at races where the crew consisted of one official with a clipboard and another to turn the lap board. We pay more here but we typically get more. Shout outs to Mimi and the crew as well as Karen and her mutant dogs.


16) It’s always all about the racing. Assume you get invited to a big post Tour de France criterium, and you have the opportunity to emcee it. Which current racing pros can’t you wait to see, and why?

First I would hope it had a hill in it so I could tease Cavendish for hanging on the back like the train on a wedding gown. I would love to see Robbie McEwen, Petacchi, Steegmans, and Farrar.

I would want to watch McEwen because he could win a sprint between to beer cans.
I think that Petacchi still has the jets. Steegmans is an up and comer with a lot of power and I think he was held back by having to work for Tom Boonen. I would want Boonen there so I could play the rap songs “White Line” and “Don’t ride the White Horse”. You also have to have Tyler Farrar there, USA baby!


17) Okay, we’ve heard your cracks on local racers – at last year's crash-ridden muddy Ed Sanders race last fall, I almost had to stop, I was laughing so hard. But which of those top pros would you crack on, and what do you say?

This is going to bore you, but pros are not cracked on a lot. They are pros for a reason. First of all you don’t want to piss off a pro and have his or her DS complain to the promoter. Second pros have swag and I am a swag nut. However, here are some of the things that I have said that typically draw a chuckle or two.

This thing is strung out like Amy Winehouse
The field is tighter than of panty hose two sizes small
He is out the back faster than a bran muffin with a prune juice chaser
He is moving faster then a fat man in a buffet line
One out of the money is like kissing your Aunt with the mustache
That move stinks like sweat sox drying on the radiator

[Ed. Yeah, I guess they call 'em pros because it's a business, and humor would just get in the way of it. Nothing sucks the life out of a fun thing like getting paid to do it for a living.]

18) You probably have some other project – maybe race-related or a charity – that you’re involved in. Care to tell us about it and why we should care too?

We (AVC) would love to put a prologue in the Tour of Washington County but need to figure out the logistics of that. We are also attempting to do a twilight event in Hagerstown, MD and a road race in Clear Spring, which is west of Hagerstown. Personally I am trying to get on board with Cross Vegas and the NACT later this year.


19) What question have I left off that you’d like to ask yourself, then answer?

I think you got it.

Thanks Joe!

Abbot & Costello, Martin & Lewis, Lucy & Ricky, Ben & Shaq

Joining the all time great comedy duos, we have basketball great, Shaquille O'Neill, aka The Big Pythagoras, and conservative economist, Ben Stein - together, they're ShaquenStein.

First, the mildly funny Comcast commercial featuring the two:



Second, the world class hilarious outtakes.



Yeah, I'd pay $50 bucks just to sit at the Kennedy Center and to listen to these guys riff on culture for an evening.

The Good Stuff

Check it out. On Monday, I'll have another installment of "20 Questions," this one with local cycling emcee and promoter Joe Jefferson. It's going to be good.

Meanwhile, here's a few tunes to liven up your Friday. First - a great cover of a Lou Reed song.

Cowboy Junkies: Sweet Jane



I love the Cowboy Junkies, particularly their early Caution Horses album, and the matchless Trinity Session. Wistful music, beautiful stuff, that doesn't really fit into a genre. It just is what it is.

Here's one of my all time favorite songs - the Talking Heads, having a little existential crisis. Why? How did I get here?

Talking Heads: Once in a Lifetime



And while we're on the subject, I've rediscovered the Talking Heads lately. I'm amazed how some bands seem to age well. The Velvet Underground is a great example of this - they don't sound dated. The sound holds up really well. So does David Byrne and the crew. Here's my other other favorite song from them:

Talking Heads: Life During Wartime



"I've got a van... loaded with weapons... packed up and ready to go..." "This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no foolin' around..." Awesome lyrics, captures sweaty, bad-flavored head spinning paranoia, the zeitgeist of our unsteady times, in just a few brilliant lines. Plus David Byrne is really working out the Big Suit separates here. I wonder if he gets them heavily discounted on clearance from Men's Wearhouse or something.

Of course I couldn't find my other other favorite Heads song, "Stay Up Late" anywhere, so you'll just have to live with an external link to it. I think it's about getting stoned and keeping the baby up all night as a consequence.

Gam Jams Reviews: Inflation

It’s never frickin’ simple with me, is it? I have two weapons of choice to meet my inflationary needs. Um, y'know, other than a dollar we're systematically devaluing, I mean. That thing is about to be pretty durned inflationary, not sure if that will help you on the 7:00 AM ride though.

The tool that goes everywhere with me is the Innovations Microflate Nano. It’s a simple chuck that fits on top of a threaded CO2 cartridge.


Purty, ain't it?

You screw it all the way on the cartridge, slip the nozzle over the tube’s valve, and then slightly unscrew the cartridge, releasing a gush of sweet, sweet, CO2 into the tube.

This thing has never failed me. I usually stick to the 16 gram cartridges - you can get 12 or 16, 16 gives you about 110 PSI in a 700x23 tire. I use it all the time for shorter MTB rides, for normal commuting and training rides close to home.

The upsides are that it's cheap and simple, probably impossible to break in normal use. It's tiny, leaving room in my tailpack for the other essentials that wouldn’t fit if I used one of the larger CO2 apparatti – a large Spin Doctor multitool with chain tool (more essential than you'd think); a Problem Solvers valve extender (lets you use a buddy’s 30mm stem tube in your Deep Vees) and a Surly Jethro Tool (for track nuts on the fixed gear, or to open beers).

The downsides are that threaded CO2 cartridges cost more, it takes two cartridges to fill up an MTB tire, and the cartridge will freeze to your hand during discharge if you aren’t careful – keep your glove on when inflating the tire, okay?

The other inflation tool that usually stays on my roadbike, or goes into the Camelback if I’m doing a really long MTB ride, is the Hurricane HPV Dual Mini Pump, sold by Performance and fine online retailers near you, providing you live in Seattle.

It's the backup system for long road rides, and on those multi-flat days when a tube and two CO2 cartridges just isn't enough. It looks really small but actually has a two or three-stage telescoping pump – you pull on the handle and increasingly small tubes keep coming out of the thing like snakes coming out of a snake circus clown car, until the plunger portion of the pump is nearly as long as an old school frame pump. You clip it onto the valve in the normal manner, put the tire on your lap, then start hammering away on the thing like Ron Jeremy at an audition. The telescoping pump allows you to get two or three times the amount of air that a shorter single stage mini pump would give you. This cuts your pumping time in half over the regular mini pump. I can get around a hundred PSI in a 700x23 tire in about 25-30 strokes, and I've filled a 29'er mountain bike tire with this without passing out or needing to take a nap mid-fill. A seven flat day taught me that a good pump is a real necessity. This is one I trust.

It's *much* better than any other mini-pump I’ve ever used.

The other upsides are that this pump is reliable, it's outlasted Bell, Serfas, Blackburn, and other Performance mini pumps I've tried - they all sucked while this one totally blows. It only costs about $12 and it comes with a nice plastic mounting bracket that attaches on the braze-ons. You just slip them on under your water bottle mount and attach the water bottle holders normally. -

The downside is your trendy but dumb friends may make fun of you for proudly sporting the Performance logo on your Fondriest or Calfee. But hey, nobody said "the best" would be the most expensive or the most glamorous. Maybe you can sticker it up with some Colnago decals off E-bay, if that makes you feel better about it.

The two other key elements you really need to have on hand and know how to use are tire irons and a patch kit. An extra tube is nice but on a multiple flat day, you don't want to get caught out. I prefer the old school style (patch + sandpaper + glue) because they seem to hold up better over the course of a season being ignored in my tailpack, while the Skabs and other one piece patches tend to have trouble adhering to the tube once they've been drenched in a soaking rainstorm. Just a reminder - you sand the hole until the surrounding rubber is roughed up, apply the glue, *let the glue mostly dry for a few minutes* then apply the patch. You might also want to consider making a steel core Serfas tire lever the one you carry in your tailpack, particularly in the winter. The regular plastic levers are a bit fragile in serious cold, and the last place you want to be is 5 miles from home, in the cold, sweaty as hell, on a bike with a very tight tire, that you can't seem to get off. The best pump or CO2 cartridge in the world won't do you a damn bit of good then. Y'know how some experiences make a strong impression on you? That one will.
Take my word on it.

How to Stop a Fixie

Wired magazine tells us how to stop a brakeless fixed gear bike. The instructions include:

* 1.1 Step 1: Find a Safe Place to Practice
* 1.2 Step 2: Anticipate Your Stops
* 1.3 Step 3: Choose Your Braking Method
o 1.3.1 Pace Pedaling
o 1.3.2 Skid Stopping
* 1.4 Step 4: Practice, Practice, Practice
* 1.5 Step 5: Fill out a living will

Ho ho ho. Filling out a living will. Very ironic. Very hip.

Here are some ideas I have about how to bring a fixed gear to a stop in short order:

1) Get a set of brakes.

2) On uphills
* 2.0 Step 0: Be an ironic, clove-smoking, Pabst-drinking hipster.
* 2.1 Step 1: Approach a steep hill.
* 2.2 Step 2: Attempt to ride up it.
* 2.3 Step 3: Grind to a halt.
* 2.4 Step 4: Walk up hill. Leave fixie on hill, chained ineffectually to a parking meter.

3) Ride into a car in traffic.

4) Crash when you forget to keep pedaling.

5) On downhills:
* 5.1 Step 1: Clip in
* 5.2 Step 2: Start down the hill
* 5.3 Step 3: Realize the steep hill has overpowered your leg strength
* 5.4 Step 4: Spin 187 RPM until your legs totally blow
* 5.5 Step 5: Auger in and grind to a complete stop.


Truthfully? If you have to go to Wired to figure out how to stop a fixie, you really don't have any business riding one, much less the brakeless type. Seriously, it's great that you're riding, but use that flip flop hub and rock the single speed with brakes for a while, or at least get some brakes. New riders are good for cycling. New dead ones? Not so much, unless you leave your gear to me in your will. In which case, go to town, brah!

Yipee!

I got the stitches out of my toe/foot this afternoon and got a clean bill of health from the Doc. It was the first time I've seen the Cankle since pre-operation, and it wasn't a pretty sight. The cut runs along the top of the toe, from about half way up the big toe, half way up my left foot, running along the first metatarsal and the tendon that runs the thing. There was a lot of thread holding that thing together - must have been a 3" long cut.

The doc manipulated the toe a bit, watched me walk around, and then asked some questions. Turns out it's pretty unusual for people to start walking on their foot the day after the operation, and it's really unusual to have the range of motion my toe is now blessed with, around 90% of normal motion, with some rehab still to go, just 9 days after the procedure.

It's not pain free, in fact it does sort of hurt like heck. I told the doc "it feels better now that the stitches are out but it does still feel like the toe is very broken." He said, "good, that's exactly how it's supposed to feel." Past experience tells me that the bone is going to hurt for about 5-6 more weeks, so there's going to be some riding in pain, at least for a while.

I'm not quite ready to put on the cycling shoes just yet; the broken toe part hurts a little but the cut - the angry red ridge of Frankenstein scar tissue which is still knitting together - burns when I sling on regular shoes. I suspect it will be okay to ride in a day or two, perhaps Friday. I can't wait.

Until then, I'll have to console myself with the knowledge that not everything about riding is peaches and cream. For his part, Lance Armstrong tells us tonight on Universal that Monday's Giro stage was his "hardest day on the bike. Ever."

Lance and Popo Catch Up Before Giro Stage 16 -- powered by http://www.livestrong.com

That's good. We wouldn't like cycling as much if it wasn't so hard on us.

Share the Road...

London's Tory mayor/blogger, Boris Johnson, perhaps the only World City mayor who is as bike mad as our own Adrian Fenty, was very nearly struck by a speeding truck while out exploring potential bike lane routes the other day. In addition to very nearly depriving us of a delightfully wacky British politician, it demonstrates that we aren't safe out there. You watch this vid, and understand how people turn into "that annoying bike advocate guy who hates cars."

So be safe out there. If it can happen to Boris, it can happen to you. You too, Fenty.

Knockin' You Off The Bike

It's Tuesday but it feels like a Monday, about 6:00 AM. I have stitches in my foot and can't ride for at least another 36 hours, when the stitches come out, and maybe for a few days past that. The rain is coming down hard. It says 70% humidity on the Weather Channel but it feels closer to 90. Last night when I walked the dog it was 80 degrees, and there was that warm weather high humidity sort of fog that you get when the air is more water than air. I guess if you have to be off the bike for medical reasons, being off it in weather that would be awful to ride in is the best possible time to do it. The weather is still depressing to a cyclist though; we become weather worriers, focused on what it's like outside, and even when it's a non-riding day, our mood tends to track with the forecast.

Oh well. (Isn't that what Pooh Bear would say after a particularly disappointing trip to the Hunny Hole?)

It was Dylan's birthday on Sunday. He's a guy I've come to like more and more over the years and his musical reach is impressive. I don't really know where his head is at; he's a seemingly flaky guy. Some of his songs are just nonsense at best, nonsense agit prop at worst. But some of his songs are profound and artistic, and his unique voice and songwriting grows on you, crawls inside your ears if you aren't careful. He affects musicians all over a bunch of different genres.

I didn't start out intending to like Dylan. It just sort of happened.

Here's a couple nice ones for you.

Dylan: Subterranean Homesick Blues



Red Hot Chili Peppers' Cover - a PunkFunkified Version:



Dylan: Like a Rolling Stone



Dylan: All Along the Watchtower



Hendrix: All Along the Watchtower



Like I said, he's influential.

Happy Birthday, Bob!

Giro Notes

Viewing Experience Notes

With the foot being all bummered, I couldn't ride this morning so I turned on yesterday's Giro stage to give it a look-see. Two or three shots of espresso and two hours later, I had a warm fuzzy feeling. My kid was playing around, wife was hanging out with me watching the racing... life doesn't get much better than that.

If you're in the D.C. area and need some espresso beans for Giro watching, Cafe Pronto in Annapolis is a good source. The Cafe Vincente is a really good afficionado's bean, with dark chocolate notes and an incredibly persistent crema, along with, I swear, hints of melon. Espresso 49 is more like "Espresso, Standard, Italian Style, One Each." It's a basic European style espresso, a little more bitter than the Vincente, less crema and texture, more straightforward and broad shouldered. Both are good blends. I knocked back a bunch of the Espresso 49 this morning watching the Giro - 14 grams, tamped extra hard, maybe 1.5 ounces per shot (ristretto) to keep it nice and potent. A plain, honest, Italian-style short shot just seemed appropriate for Giro watching.

Universal's coverage is pretty good. You have the low quality Euro TV feed which is a bummer - the Hi Def TV really shows the sketchy feed's weaknesses. But the voiceover is really good, providing more useful information than you tend to get from Versus, at least from the neutered Sherwen & Liggett show. (Morning TdF Roll/Sherwen live broadcasts excepted - uncensored Bob and rambling Paul give excellent commentary that gets neutered for the evening broad audience viewers).

I'm pleased to see Giant, among other brands, supporting the coverage with ad buys. I'm a big fan of Giant - they make very good bikes, and they make them affordable to the average enthusiast at 1-2 pricepoints below other bikes of comparable value. Plus their manufacturing process is second to none; if you ride carbon, the odds are good that the initial frame layup or at least the tubes were made in Giant's factory. But guys, the production values of these ads is bad. Now you can do garage-band quality stuff and if you know what you are doing, you can make it work pretty well. But if you don't know what you're doing, it comes off as amateur camera footage shot by a guy with a cell phone cam, and pasted together in some rudimentary Windows Office software suite. It doesn't help your image among riders, who tend to be elitist, and tend to think of Giant as the Generic Beer of the cycling world - it's strictly image discrimination but there's no reason for it. Please, Giant guys, call my friend Peter Nicoll at Superluminal Media. He knows bikes, he knows bike culture, he knows how to help you make ads that won't make your fans cringe. He can help. Give him a call. Please. We your fans beg you.

The Italian TV crew managed a ground-level shot of the main pack heading into a tunnel toward the end of Wednesday's stage. The sound was awesome, like being in a beehive.

Equipment Notes

I notice that compact road bars are really common among the PROs. In two or three minutes of watching the coverage this morning, around 2/3ds of the PROs seemed to be using these "women's bars."

Most of the riders seemed to be on 40 - 60mm deep section rims for yesterday's mostly flat stage. Relatively heavy, but relatively easy rolling on the flats.

SRM + Garmin seems to be the weapon of choice for a lot of power metering pros. I suspect the rotating mass is less of a problem when it's centered on the bottom bracket, rather than in a heavier, larger circumference hub package. I also suspect the difference is marginal, but in a three week race, marginal differences add up.

Most of the bikes are nice but three stand out - Guerciotti, Willier, and Derosa. The black DeRosa King3 in the black version - NeroVerde - is particularly stunning. You look at this bike, and it's easy to understand how people get all loopy and romantic sounding when they talk about beautiful bikes. (This picture is huge, click to see the full bike; I thought you'd like it in hi-def, just to be able to better drool over it).


Racing Notes

Garmin and Columbia worked together a lot yesterday, right up until the sprint got heated. Astana seemed to contribute too. You have to wonder if the two American teams, and the team with two or three Americans, aren't exploiting their close personal ties to put the hurt on some of the other teams. The royalty all seem pretty amicable too - I notice DiLuca and Leipheimer, Armstrong and Rogers all ride near each other and appear to chat quite a bit. I don't think that's for mutual aid purposes though, for the most part.

The broadcast team did err quite a bit, as they've done for the last 10 days, in not openly acknowledging Cavendish's position relative to all the other sprinters in the race. He is a fricking juggernaut, comparable to McEwen at his peak and maybe better. They talk about the other sprinters like it's a fair race. Thing is, it's not. The only way Cavendish loses is if he screws up. You don't beat him otherwise. While Farrar and Pettachi can keep upping the speed, Cav has this sixth gear that he slips into, allowing him a violent accelleration that they can't match. Both are more like Boonen or Hushovd than traditional super sprinters like McEwen - they seem to be classics guys with a strong sprint, rather than simple speed machines like Cav. The only way they win is to keep spinning up the speed, and not giving him a chance to uncork the sprint. Letting him get a traditional leadout for a launch pad, or letting him hold your wheel, is a total mistake.

Cav does have a great leadout too. Mark Renshaw utterly punked Tyler Farrar, who eased up after Renshaw shoved him yesterday, allowing Cav to slip on through and hit the jets. I did something similar in a 400 hurdles race once in high school. I bitterly regretted it. When somebody hits you, you hit back. You do not ease off. This is bunch sprinting as well; it ain't beanbag. When Tyler makes up his mind that he ain't going to take that shit any longer, he'll start winning races. Until then... well, he'll get a lot of podiums. His call.

The other cool thing I saw was number 193, Markus Fothen, who rides for Milram, catching big air as he came into one of the suburbs on the outskirts of Florence. He was riding along at the back of the pack, doing probably 28 MPH, and hit what appeared to be a traffic calming bump. You saw his back, then he shot up and you saw his ass, then he dropped and you saw his back again. The wife was shocked by this. I was impressed.

Cool Ad

This ad made me go crosseyed. It makes it clear that if you leave the water running while you brush your teeth, or use anything other than flourescent bulbs, you're an evil sinner and condemned to eat all natural granola, sans milk, out of a hot bowl in an arid desert, for the rest of time. Or maybe you're just DoublePlus Ungood.

Assuming that the behaviors pointed out in the ad are evil (they must be if doing them makes you less good), then what is pushing rampant consumerism by loaning piles of money to people who can't repay it, to buy crap they don't need, then charging them punitive, usurious interest rates?

Seems to me, consumerist hypocrisy of that magnitude would be:

(QuadruplePlus Ungood) * (6.02*10²³).

It would be at least as bad as smoking, possibly as bad as driving a Hummer.

If you don't get what I'm on about, don't sweat it. Just think about it hard (but in an environmentally respectful way) when you're sipping a $5 latte and driving the Volvo 125 miles to your next race. (I know, it's okay because you got the smaller engine that gets 2 more MPG). Or consider it when you are dropping $2800 on your new Unobtainium gruppo for your (wormicidal) mountain bike excursions.

Don't knock my critique. Like the kid in the ad, I'm just making you a better person by pointing out your evil ways.*


* The troof is, I have a deep civil libertarian streak, and believe that it's nice to have legal freedom, but cultural freedom, the freedom to not conform to externally-imposed micromanagement, is what matters more in our day-to-day lives. An oppressive culture, a culture of self-censorship and self-reproach, hissing and glaring culture, is more oppressive than anything the state can manage on a consistent basis. It's all of us volunteering to serve as secret police for opinion leaders. The whole point of 1984 wasn't that the state could see everything; it couldn't. The point was that Winston must be made to self-censor his thoughts and behaviors, to act as his own personal thought police and to put himself in chains of his own making. O'Brien couldn't let him go until he consented to be oppressed. Thus I resent any attempt to make me think "right." There's no such thing as "thinking right" and we should be peeved when people try to generate such consensus. Let yer freak flag fly so we can all salute it, or at least hoist a middle finger at it, aight?

And Mayhew asked in comments a few weeks ago exactly how it was somebody like me could appreciate Rage Against the Machine...

Oh man, I am *so* changing my MasterCard over to Visa.

20 Questions With Chuck Hutch

I'm doing a periodic series called 20 questions. My plan is to ask 15 or 20 questions of people on the MABRA velo / cross / MTB scene, or of interest to it, and to shed a little light on the darkness. I'm doing this because a lot of the people I've met racing - including some administrators and refs - are fine, fine people, with very interesting stories to tell. I figure that a lot of you might like to know more about the people who race with you, coach you, fix your bikes, ref your races, and make the racing scene in the Mid-Atlantic.

This week’s interview is with Chuck Hutch, who rides with Battley Harley. You may know him from the races, you may know his blog which offers brashness, humility, and interesting stories about races in more or less equal doses, or you may have been tortured by him and some of his buddies on the lunchtime ride at Hains Point. I asked Chuck to do this interview because he’s a top level workingman racer with an interesting story to tell.

You’re Chuck Hutch! Give me your full name, rank, and serial number soldier!

I’m Charles Hutcheson, I am a Specialist in the US Army’s Caisson Platoon [Ed. of the Old Guard, the Army’s famous ceremonial unit you may have seen working around D.C., at Arlington National Cemetery or the White House]. I used to ride horses for the Old Guard, but since one of my spurs broke both sides of my ankle bones off in an equestrian accident, I have been working in an office. With a 4 inch plate, 4 pins and 6 screws I am all healed up, so I am sure that I could go back to riding (horses), but the office job allows me more cycling time. I have a 14 year old step-son, a 13 year old daughter (who lives in California and two boys’ ages 3 and 2. I was born in Seattle, WA. and grew up in Sacramento, CA. I have 3 years of college, and just finished finals week at NOVA with a full load of 4 classes. I plan on using my GI bill when I get out of the Army and working on getting a degree in history and a teaching credential.

What’s the earliest bike ride you remember taking?

On my 5th birthday in 1977 my parents got me a Stingray, and I learned to ride it in the parking lot of my Kindergarten/Elementary school. Soon, my friends and I were going on these super long bike rides and getting totally lost. I remember riding home, too scared to call my parents because I didn’t want them to know how far I was, and smelling peoples’ barbecue grills and being tempted to ask them if I could have some. We would always eventually find our way home, but there would always be some crazy whacked out experiences on the way that I would never want my kids to go through.

Schwinn Stingray: The Cradle of Bike Racing Champions

What is the best part of riding a bike – the best experience you count on having regularly?

My favorite part of bike riding is going to a new area, getting a map and exploring for a few days – especially if it is hilly and has tons of trees and water and nature and stuff.

What disciplines do you ride (e.g. road, track, cross, MTB, touring, part time pedicab driver for Nats games)?

I am a Cat 1 cyclocross rider, but I think everyone is. [Ed. Um, yeah, right. Everyone is… hope you're being facetious there.] I’ve dabbled some on a Mountain Bike, but the bug there has never caught. The closest thing to track I have done is riding a fixed gear as a messenger on and off for about 12 years – mostly in Sacramento and some in San Francisco.

What are your top 5 palmares?

I seem to get 2nd at everything. Second Overall MABRA BAR, second MABRA Championship Crit, second Virginia State Championship Crit, second Virginia State Road Race, second Virginia State Omnium, and the seconds go on and on. Don’t get me wrong, I have won plenty of races in my life, just not last year – the first year I have raced since 2000. I only won 1 race last year (not counting masters races). My top 5 palmares are probably winning Visalia, Winning the Sprint Jersey at Bisbee, Winning the Sprint Jersey at McLane Pacific Crit (NRC), Winning the GC at the Redding Classic Stage Race, and a handful of top 10’s at NRC events (but never podiums).

What was your best, most glorious, or personally amazing moment on a bicycle?

For goofy reasons, that I will blog about some day, I was kicked off (and then eventually brought back) to a team I rode for in the mid 90’s. Two days after I was kicked off, the team had it’s race, which was a pretty big deal with a big prize list. I was the fittest I have ever been, and I was pissed. During the crit, the team manager would walk out on the back side of the course yelling directions and time splits to my former teammates. Every time I saw him I would swing out of the pack right at him and make him scurry off the course. That never ceased to amuse me. Eventually I ended up in a break and won the race in a three up sprint in front off all the team management, sponsors, and crowds of cheering people. It was wonderful.

I’ve always heard that revenge is a dish that is best served cold. Apparently, like pizza, it tastes okay hot, too.

So what is the absolute worst, most dejected, defeated, and awful you’ve ever felt on a bicycle?

You know, this is a super hard sport. Only one guy can win and more often than not it is easy to feel defeated. You have to savor every single glimmer of good that happens and keep on driving forward. The absolute worse I have ever felt in this sport was when Ryan Raymond Smith, an old team mate of mine was stabbed to death. That kind of sealed the deal on me quitting racing about 8 years ago, all though it was pretty much over for me by then anyway. Since I have returned, it has been a lot of fun and I have had very few disappointments – mostly because I don’t take myself as seriously as I used to. If I had to pick a time that absolutely sucked recently it would be how we screwed up the team time trial at Ephrata, or crashing on the last lap in 8th spot at the NRC race in Wilmington this year. [Ed. A couple Harley riders were out riding warmup and missed the team's start time. Whoops.]

What is your basic outlook when you race – angry, nervous, happy-go-lucky?

I have had bunches of nicknames like Smiley and the Joker because I am always grinning. Racing and training is fun, and I really, really enjoy it. We train to suffer and handle these fast machines while our bodies are completely uncomfortable negotiating into dangerous spaces, wearing spandex, at the risk of serous bodily injury or death. How much fun is that! I am never really nervous, I am glad to be there racing my bike. There are different levels of suffering, like ‘I’m uncomfortable’ or ‘I’m hurting’ then ‘I’m suffering’ and ‘God I hope I don’t crack’. Hopefully whatever level I’m at the guys around me are at least one level worse. When I am training, I try to stay in these levels of pain and I appreciate it if other riders can push me there so that in races I am used to it. Maybe sometimes my smile is a grimace.

What was your sporting background prior to bike racing?

I used to skateboard. Everywhere I went I brought that thing – it was ridiculous. One time the neighbor wrote me a note asking if I wanted to do some work for her and it started ‘Boy with the Skateboard’. That’s how I got to school, got home and went everywhere. Every day in the summer I would hang out at a shop called High Roller and ride the two quarter pipes they had behind the building. They say that once you know how to ride a skateboard your body never forgets, but one near hip replacement later I have decided that’s not true.

How did you wind up riding for Battley Harley?

I broke my ankle bones two years ago, and when I realized how severe the atrophy in my leg was getting, I bought a triple ring touring bike off E-bay. I saw the Hains Point ride on the DC Velo site and decided to start doing it because it was close to Ft Myer where I work. It was fall of 2007 and I hadn’t raced since 2000 – (and I basically had one leg), so I was getting a whipping out there every day for a few months. After a few months of this, I finally got competitive with those guys. One day after taking a good pull, I dropped back and Eli Hengst waived me forward. I thought he was trying to get me to pull ahead of him, and I was pretty cooked, so I yelled “No, I’m cool”. He responded “No, I want to talk to you”. Next thing you know, I find out Dave Fuentes who I used to race with is on the team, he vouches for me, and I get a racing license (luckily still a cat 1) then BOOM Battley Harley 2008. What a great break I got my first year back! How lucky am I?

Care to mention any other teams, special riders, coaches, or riders who have meant a lot to you?

I have to first mention Art Brown, he is one of the only guys I call and meet up with on rides that are not set group rides, plus he was the only guy that would talk to me when I looked like a Cat 5 with my triple chain touring bike and my primal jersey. Here in MABRA we are lucky to have a bunch of old dudes who are hella fast too like Don Saroff, Chris Reagan [former Coppis who moved to elite teams - congrats guys], Phill Hepburn and Mark (the Ferret) Somers. I always appreciate whenever I see one of these older guys on a ride and (at least in the case of Mark and Phil) it lets me know I have at least another 40 years of quality riding left in me. (Just kidding). (Not really). What is funny is that all my friends in the DC area are not the people I work with, but are my teammates who I have become pretty close too - and will miss when the Army passes me along.

What is your “stretch” goal as a cyclist, and do you care to share any short term goals?

In the long run, I would love to win a Masters Nationals event. This year, I want to compete in Military Worlds, but unfortunately seem to be hitting brick walls trying to find information on how to get on the US team and getting the paper work done. Other than that, I want to place higher on the NRC rankings this year than last, and I would like to win a MABRA jersey or Virginia State jersey.

What is your favorite ride in the area, and why?

Although the drive there sucks, I like to ride up Skyline. It reminds me of home back in California, and there is really nothing like it around here. My next favorite ride is an 80 miler from Dave Fuentes old roommate’s house and it includes Mount Weather – that ride just plain beats you into shape. I like the competition in doing both the 7 and 10 am Saturday rides, and I do the Hains Point lunch ride because it is convenient and a great way to get some easy speed work in the 90 minutes the Army gives me for lunch.

How does Battley Harley consistently achieve success?

I have ridden for some pretty good teams, but riding with Battley Harley has been one of the best experiences of my life. When I first got picked up, I had no ideal that I was entering a sort of athletic fraternity of guys who actually care that each other does well. We build off of our teammates’ successes. After every race, we call each other like yapping old ladies and talk about key points of races, what we did and didn’t do correctly and offer constructive criticism. It truly is ‘all for one and one for all’. We have had some huge, un-PRO blunders, but we have also had some pretty cool achievements like winning an NRC event and being the top ranked amateur team in the NRC standings. When I am done with this, I am glad I will be able to look back on this team and say ‘yeah, I was part of that.’

It's interesting that you focus on the team aspect of roadracing, and not on Harley's recruitment of very strong riders or how hard you guys work in training - two features we outsiders would notice before we thought about team dynamics.

Do you ever ride with the Potomac Pedalers, or do fixed gear bar crawls, or other stuff that might be considered a little uncharacteristic for a top amateur racer?

No, never heard of the Potomac Pedalers, but they sound cool. As a courier I bar hopped plenty on my fixie, hell, I almost got a DUI on my lowrider stingray.

What’s your favorite bike?

One that works and doesn’t make clicky sounds or squeaks when I pedal. I also prefer aluminum over carbon.

Any sponsors you feel particularly grateful toward?

Battley Harley riders are lucky to have Tom Buzas behind the scene. He gets us into all the Pro races, and continues to finance us as much as he can despite the financial hard times the country faces. I am also grateful to Eli Hengst for his contributions, which include the use of his restaurant for team meetings and the occasional free meal, which is always wonderful.

The Old Guard is an extremely special unit in the Army, and it is highly selective, and you have to apply and be accepted to it. How did you wind up in the Old Guard? And why?

I ended up in the Old Guard the same way most people end up places in the Army. After assessing ASVAB scores and making sure you are the right height and physically capable, during basic training, they pull you out and show you this video. It’s really loud, and shows Soldiers doing all kinds of high speed stuff and when it’s finished, your all pumped up. You get this ‘I am special’ feeling and then volunteer. After Airborne school and Javelin school (Javelin = US crew-served man-portable anti-tank missile), I was assigned here and have been here ever since. Initially I was in Alpha Company (Commander in Chief’s Guard) at Ft McNair, but in early 2006 I volunteered for the Caisson Platoon and was transferred to Ft Myer. I have been there ever since.

Describe the duties of the Caisson Platoon, and what it means to you personally to be a caretaker of the remains of our veterans and war dead?

Caisson is a Specialty Platoon in Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 1st Battalion, 3rd US Infantry Regiment. Six horses (three of which are ‘ponied’) are ridden by three riders pulling a caisson (an old French artillery wagon) carrying the coffin of a fallen servicemember into Arlington National Cemetery. It is very serious, and at every funeral all soldiers maintain absolute respect and ceremonial composure. This is the last event for another human being who has sacrificed for their country, sometimes making the ultimate sacrifice, and it may be the last time the family will interact with the Army, so every movement of the horses and the soldiers is as precise and dignified as possible. Every wool pleat is pressed, every horse is thoroughly washed and brushed and every piece of brass and button is shined. There are months of training before you go into the cemetery, combined with the hours of preparation before each funeral. It gives you plenty of time to reflect on how much of an honor it is to do what we do. I am sure when I am farther removed from this duty, I will feel an even deeper level of respect and honor for what the Soldiers of the Caisson platoon do.

Thanks for participating Chuck! See you at the Point.

Like a Turtle at a Picnic

Healing of Teh Vengeful Toe proceeds apace. Still stitched, still bandaged, still ensconced in a stylish blue and white rubber surgical boot. That bitch Manolo got nothin' on me!

I can walk or stand - shuffle or maintain a more or less erect position, 10 degrees off vertical - for about 20 minutes before the foot feels like it's on fire. One more day, one more day's healing, one day closer to being back on the bike.

Nothing new to report, except that when you're on drugs and can't face standing for 20 minutes to cook lunch and another 10 for cleanup, Chinese takeout food tastes divine.

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On a humpday like this, when you're sitting at your desk, legs up, throwing down painkillers like popcorn, it is soothing to one's soul to contemplate the harmony of nature, and the peace that reigns in a state of nature. If only we could be closer to the earth, and more like the animals.






Okay, maybe the Gentle Tortoise isn't exactly nature's own little St. Francis of Assisi. But you know what I mean. Enjoy what you have, embrace what you're doing, and when you're knocking out those shitty intervals consider some guys would give their left toe to be out their hurting right now.

Operation: It's Not Just A Milton Bradley Game Any More

The toe cutter did a fine job on me yesterday. As it happened, all the toe needed was to get some bone spurs cut off, and to get the joint sort of re-molded using what I imagine was Hell's Dremel Tool. I wouldn't know, I was asleep at the time. Post-op was smooth, I came to, was sober in about 5 minutes, walked to the second part of post-op (e.g. waiting for the wife to get the car and answering nurse questions) and I was out of there 20 minutes after I woke up. The pain was manageable, didn't even hurt that bad until the evening, when it got really surprisingly bad for a bit. So I took a couple hillbilly heroin pills, and went to sleep. I feel okay today, it hurts but hurts less than it has for a long long time. The main problem is where they cut - that part hurts a bit - but the joints in my foot feel a lot better than they have. Nice.

Funny things happened on the way in to get cut. First, the nurse asks me a series of questions, including one about whether I'm domestically abused. I asked if this meant getting yelled at for not picking up around the house and leaving the toilet seat up. She said, "no, like somebody hitting you or anythihng." For some reason, I found this so funny that once Iwas laughing, I had trouble regaining composure.

Then another nurse is checking out my physical stats and stuff, she notices a bunch of cuts and rash on my right ankle. I told her it was probably poison ivy or poison oak, from riding my bike in the woods the other week. "That's weird," she said. "You don't wear pants?" "No," I said. "Socks." She said, "Do you know what it was? Did you take a look at it?" "No," says I. "I was doing about 15, 20 miles an hour, and was riding through a bunch of weeds at the time trying not to ride my mountain bike off a small cliff or run into a tree." At that point, she starts cracking up and says, "Oh, I thought you were riding a motorcycle without pants."

Finally, the orthopaedic surgeon comes in. He asks if I can be ready in 10 minutes. It seems his first surgery has canceled and they can't get in touch with him. The doc says, "Yeah, if I had a foreign object like that lodged in my leg, I'd try to make the surgery." At that point, I wasn't even going to ask what was stuck in the guy's leg.

So that's all I've got. Other people have more interesting stuff going on.

Ryan has some good Giro Talk going on here.

The Uff Da! is kicking ass. Full details here.

Kyle is enjoying the Unbearable Lightness of Being Kyle.

"Huntin' is Legal..." - Clinton Portis

Had a nice shop ride with Jon and the Family Bikes guys. It may be the last one I have for a while with the toe surgery coming up. (Ask Ladainian Tomlinson about what a minimal hindrance turf toe poses to your sporting life...)

The ride was marred by the absence of Young Buck Tom, who got himself doored yesterday in Annapolis after the Ride to Work Day event. They were cruising up West Street at low speed when a guy flung his door open on them. Tom hit the top of the door with his throat and it laid him out pretty hard. Headline in the local paper: "Two bicyclists injured in bike safety event." Man bites dog, I guess. Tom is okay, other than a busted up trachea. He's in the hospital but is expected to make a full recovery, but send him some good karma anyhow, willya? The driver's defense, natch, is he didn't see anybody coming. Yeah, 'cuz y'know, a bunch of dudes soft pedaling up West Street at 9:00 AM in bright yellow and red FBS and Blue & Electric Green ABRT team colors is basically just invisible, right? The other cyclist injured was T2, Tyler, one of the wrenches at the FBS. Tyler needs to be called T2 from now on because he took a whack on the head that needed 10 stitches and probably got a concussion, but he didn't bleed, while the door was destroyede. That's right, Jon uses non-union cyborg labor, because it's cheaper and never files worker's comp claims... Seriously though I'm very glad both of the guys are in one piece but I'm pissed about the incident, just another driver who didn't see a pack of cyclists because he wasn't looking for them. Yes, I'm sure he looked in the mirror, and I'm just as sure that the image of the cyclists didn't even register, because he doesn't expect cyclists to be using the road.

Anyhow, despite the absence of Tom & Tyler (whose bike was impounded earlier, probably at the secretive U.S. Government Black Site, Area 53:11), it was a nice ride. We took it pretty easy out to Annapolis, and stopped for coffee at the Hard Bean. The group wasn't real motivated, I think yesterday's events wore out Jon and a couple of us haven't been riding much, so there were a couple little attacks, but no pep. I led us down to the blessed coffee because if we weren't going to ride hard, I was going to at least have fun. Yes, that's how sad life is when you're an overworked 40-something family guy, a cup of espresso is "fun." Deal with it.

After that we swung back by the mall, then took a right down General's Highway, toward Crownsville. Right away, Jon got after it, Timmy attacked, and we all got on the A-train. Jon did most of the pulling, and Tim (not Timmy) did some too, and we ground along. I was pegged the whole way, at about 95% effort for much of it, and we hammered up and down the long rollers to Millersville Road. It was a good 20 minutes on the rivet, and in spite of getting a bit of soft pedaling and even coasting in on the downhills, I managed to rack up a 273 watt average, with a 345 watt NP for the 20 minutes. Take out the zeros and it would look heroic, and the NP for the ride wound up being 294, with 192 TSS points over 2:06 of riding and a .965 IF. Maybe my threshold is higher than it was 5 weeks ago when I did my last test but still, that's a pretty hard ride. The two or three early attacks on the hills, two or three late moderate pushes on hills after we slowed, and the hard 20 minute section in the middle combined to make it about as close to an NP-Buster ride as you can make a casual ride.

I only throw the power geek numbers out there to tell you what is so damn frustrating to me right now. It's clear I'm getting a decent set of legs under me at this point. I'm not in race shape - my threshold is probably barely 325 or 330, and to be actually fast I need to be closer to 350 or 370, and my weight needs to be about 30 lbs lighter. But with the damn toe/ankle problem, I haven't been able to do roughly half my workouts. I'm the kind of person who, no matter what I eat, will not lose weight if I don't get 90 minutes of spinning in, on average, 5-6 times per week. It takes me eating right, *and* consistent exercise. For the most part, I've been eating pretty decently, but missing half or more of my workouts due to Teh Cankle is killing me. This is intensely frustrating because I know that two months steady effort, hitting 90% of my workouts and not dieting but just eating right, basically puts a jet pack on my bike and makes me, on the right terrain, faster than just "kinda fast for a fat guy."

The frustration comes in two doses. One part of it is that my workouts have been hindered. I really wanted to be moving myself to the next level - from poor/mediocre in B cross, to mediocre/good. That's a big leap, and building the fitness / deconstructing the lardass needed to be well underway at this point. This stuff takes time and you can't shortcut it by dieting or training harder, you need to build methodically, and I may not be able to do that this season. I kept my legs through the winter and was looking forward to getting after it in January. Instead, it's been a 5 month detour.

The second part of the frustration is that in (hopefully) fixing Teh Cankle, I will definitely be off the bike for a week or two, and may wind up being off it for much longer than that. Yeah, just what I need, a week or two break, or possibly a three month break. Rest assured, I'm going to be busting my butt as hard as I can with the physiotherapy to get back up to speed, but foot surgery is like hand surgery, you just never known how it's going to turn out. I've read that this surgery winds up making things worse in about 15% of cases. That thought is preying on me, not so much out of the possibility of the foot being messed up (it's already pretty debilitating) but because it will piss all over my race plans and efforts at general good health. I guess nothing's ever simple.

Then again, when I'm feeling sorry and frustrated about all this, I gently give my psyche a little hug and quietly whisper sweetly to myself using my inner voice: Quit yer bitchin', pussy.

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Now for something completely different: Here's some guys who hunt feral pigs and more dangerous razorback hogs (they will gut you if they can) with spears. Feral pigs are increasingly nasty and wild, and a real environmental menace, because there are no alpha predators to take them out. They started out as hogs gone wild, but seem to have evolved, or cross bred with wild boar, into some nasty critters. They pose a looming threat in large areas of the country, and at some point, the DNR's in the states affected will need to step up efforts to promote hunting them. An area worked over by a small pack of wild hogs looks like it has been bulldozed and plowed up.

Don't click on the video if you think spear hunting will make you go all queasy or swear off baby back ribs.



My takeaway from that? *Do not*, under any circumstances, mess with that dude's rice. I don't care if you're the bus boy at China Wok at the mall, don't touch it, m'kay? Could be the last thing you do.

Now feral pigs are dangerous, and they could mess you up, especially if there is a bunch of them and you get knocked down, but razorbacks are in a whole 'nother category of dangerous.



I'd like to try hunting razorbacks sometime, not sure if I'd have the stones to do it with a spear.

The Rouleur’s Spring Cankletacular!

Long time readers (i.e. people with a pulse, but not enough blood pressure to find a more entertaining blog) may recall that I’ve had a series of ankle / foot problems. It's hard to say what the problem is. To give you a concise summary of where we are:

It wreaks havoc on my training!

It causes $^*&ing problems in my racing!

It’s clearly Gout!

No it’s not!!!

What the *$&% is wrong with this thing?

Here’s the latest thesis:

My ankles do indeed lack a lot of cartilage and ligaments from years of abuse. They are generally okay with that, however, and what they aren't okay with I can work around by using ankle braces. It also helps to be fit - I'm about 25 pounds up from semi-pathetic shape, largely because the ankles blew up repeatedly over the fall and badly over the winter. Two weeks on, two weeks off, week on, month off... grim. So that isn't helping things. The crux of that part of the problem is I have to avoid getting laid up for a while in order to get reasonably fit, and that when this happens the ankles will more or less take care of themselves.

The ankles aren't the problem though. The real problem, we're now thinking (e.g. me, and about half the doctors in Maryland) is that the problem appears to come from a couple of balky big toes, particularly the one on my left foot. The joint that forms the ball of the left foot – the second big toe joint – has major spurs that limit movement. They call this Hallux Limitus or Hallux Rigidus. Depending on how badly inflamed it is, it is one or the other.

A deadly stiff big toe - we're talking 15 degrees of movement at the most - makes running, walking, standing for a long period of time, or sleeping on it very difficult. Make one wrong move and I could be looking at a week to a month's bout of tendinitis - the toe swells, I walk funny, the ankles blow. Scotty Style, "Aye, Captain... they caint teak much more..." The pain is pretty bad - when it's really going I'd put it as a 5 or 6 where a 10 is "pass out instantly" and 5 is "takes your breath away and makes you fall over reflexively."

Can it be possible that this all starts with the left toe? My docs seem to think so. Less invasive treatments haven't worked, 'rocker shoes' and multiple orthotic solutions are not what I'm interested in, so we're going to try to fix it.

That is going to look like this:



Hopefully, all the doc has to do to get the toe working properly again is to take the bone spurs off, and the resection or osteotomy of the bone - cutting it at an angle taking out a wedge and screwing it back together - won't be needed. We'll see. Either way, I'm looking forward to getting it fixed and being consistently mobile for a while.

This all goes down on Monday. I’ll let you know how it goes. Meanwhile, I'll be thinking about getting on the bike after that. I'll be riding again as soon as possible, because, well...




Here, have a little Bad Brains with your coffee break.



Finally, apropo of nothing:

Gam Jams Reviews: Smell the Gloves

David, David get up here. Smell the Glove is here...



I've got maybe a dozen or 15 summer gloves floating around in a plastic tub at my house. I never realized how key good gloves were to riding comfort until the Baker's Dozen 13 hour MTB race in Leesburg a few weeks back. A long ride like that brings out all weaknesses, whether they belong to the rider or the equipment. My primo Guarneau gloves were wearing a hole in my palms. Hell, those gloves are *money* on the road, but they left my hands very chewed up after just three or four hours. I switched into my Performance Elites and they saved the day - soft insides, unobtrusive padding, soft fine mesh back, and cheap. How nice. I left the race with seriously numb hands though. They are getting better - the fingers have stopped feeling like there are bees inside the fingertips, and now only two or three fingers are numb, and that is just mild. It got me thinking about gloves.

The prime directive for gloves is that they be comfortable and enhance, or at least not detract from , your grip. Glove fit is a very individual thing like saddles. You may have a wonderful pair of cheap gloves that work great for you, but nobody else likes them; and you may have this pair of super high end gloves that work for everybody but you. You need to try them on to make sure the cut is comfortable for your hand (Pearl is not comfortably cut for my ham hands) and try them on rides of varying length, duration and intensity before you order a half dozen of them.

After Baker's, I bucked up and got a pair of Spenco Ironman T2 gloves. They have this interesting set of three pads on them that relieves pressure on the metacarpal nerve. I stumbled onto them through some mountain bike forums - they are pretty highly recommended by people who had trouble with numb hands. This is a really big problem for me on the single speed, since a good portion of single speed MTB riding requires you to grip it and rip it - grip hard and use your upper body to leverage the bike up hills. The bigger you are, the harder it is on your hands. So far, they get an A, there is literally no numbness after 90 minutes... on the road bike. It will take a three or four hour hard ride on the MTB to see how they hold up over time but for now, I likee, better in fact than my Performance fallbacks. If they fail to hold up well on some more extreme ride, I'll let you know, but for now, I think they are money.




I have one other pair of summer gloves that I particularly love. Some days, your hands are a bit chewed up, or it's 59 degrees when you head out, or you are going into the woods and you know you're going to bash some trees. You need better protection, full fingers, but you want something light. Still, the glove should be warm down to 45 or 50, yet not sweltering hot if it gets up to 85. For this, I use the Fox Dirtpaw bike glove. (Not the Dirtpaw motorcycle glove, though it looks similar). It features soft leather (leatherette?) palms, durable yet comfortable webbing mesh fingers and back, and some knuckle padding and hard rubber finger shields - just narrow ridges running down the length of the fingers. The gloves are comfy, reasonable cool in hot weather, reasonably warm in the cold, they grip nicely, and they bounce off trees just fine, with the hard rubber finger shields saving the hands from unnecessary roughness. The only question I have about them is whether they grip in the rain, but I've never worn them in the rain to find out. They should cost around $20 - $27. I got them originally because I needed a pair, and they were cheap and handy. It's worked out remarkably well - what a stroke of luck. Yep, I wear them on the road despite the fact that they are dirt-oriented gloves. They hold up in road crashes pretty darn well.




Other products tried, and found wanting: Louis Guarneau - seemingly comfortable but inner-palm area apparently turns to sandpaper over the course of a long ride. Voler (not cut right), Canondale (fit issue, seam in wrong place for my fingers), Bell, Performance basic gloves and Performance terry-backed gloves and Performance Gel Century gloves - the latter two of which sort of wore out and became uncomfortable fairly quickly. Specialized Body Geometry - cut too narrow and short for my hands. Just a reminder - try different gloves until you find one that's perfect for you. Your experiences with particular brands may differ significantly from mine, and what doesn't work for me may be perfect for you. And, if all else fails, there's always Assos:

The Good Stuff

Many thanks to Lorraine from my building, and her friend (Jen?) who hooked me up with a pump yesterday after work. I gave away my CO2 cartridges to a friend who had a flat, and forgot to replace them, even missing a last best chance to do so yesterday morning when I moved my camelback (complete with 2 or 3 extra cartridges) into the closet in the den / ManCave. Jen (?) was getting ready to ride home and I asked if she had something; she didn't but said her friend might. Sure enough, it was Lorraine to the rescue. She even recognized me as 'that Coppi guy with the blog.' Awesome! I'm famous, at least in my old building. Molto grazie, ladies!

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It doesn't end there. I was leading some training today - boring work stuff - and somebody who inhabits my professional world - which is usually pretty distinct from my life on the bike and this blog - came up to me during a break and said nice things. Holy cow, was that unexpected. Cool, but unexpected.

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Giro Stuff

Life doesn't get much better than this. Last night I was watching the Giro d'Italia on NBC's Universal Sports. Jens Voigt was in a breakaway with 5 minutes on the chase, and two helpers. Andy Hampsten was providing a little bit of chat, and the guys doing the voice commentary were doing what they could to be informative and to stay out of the way of the racing. Then they described how you pee off the bike without spraying the remainder of the pack. This is racing and coverage as it should be. Lovely.

Then tonight I watched via DVR as Liquigas (that's pronounced Leaky-Gas, fellas) pushed the pace up the final 25km climb of the day, and rider after rider, including a not-yet-fit Lance were shelled out the back. Horner and Leipheimer had great showings, as Russian hard man Denis Menchov took the stage, with The Killer struggling to hold his wheel in the final uphill sprint. The effort paid off for DiLuca though, and he pulled on the maglia rosa today. I know he's just another petulant and crazy Italian champion, but I like how he rides; the guy gives it maximum effort.

Some observations about the Giro so far:

Soler looks like a chicken humping a basketball when he is riding out of the saddle.

I'd like to play poker with Thomas Voeckler some time. He is incapable of allowing his face to hide his thoughts and feelings.

The broadcast team is really good - they say a lot of informative stuff. They aren't perfect - they could do better explaining the significance of some tactical moves, like how the representation in the break affects the chase, and why sometimes a team on the front is pacemaking, other times it's blocking or protecting a rider by slowing the pace... but otherwise it's a nice change from the somewhat bowdlerized Versus coverage. NBC deserves props for picking up the Giro feed and providing announcers at the last minutes. Kudos, peacock network.

Those Cervelo Test Team kits - solid black - look cool. They will be hotter than the 7th Circle of Hades come summer. I don't envy the guys riding in the Vuelta in those lycra solar panels.

Lance Armstrong is harder than woodpecker lips. He is incapable of saying or doing anything that does not work to his own advantage. I'm not going to pass judgment on him here as a good or bad guy, I will just note that he succeeds at what he sets out to do, whether it's helping cancer patients and researchers, or winning races, because he is smart, and maybe the most relentless competitor I have ever seen in any sport - he even uses interviews to gain competitive advantage, sometimes weeks or months in advance of an event. Though he may have doped, the way he won 7 TdF's was not dope; it was by breaking the will of his opponents (who were also likely on dope, but who's counting?) I don't think he wins the Giro - he'd have to ride himself into serious shape this week and next, and pull out all the stops in the third week - but if he did, I'd just stop criticizing him, ever. It would be the kind of ridiculous feat, like a 30 foot long jump, that earns the athlete a lifetime pass.

If you aren't watching the Giro on NBC Universal Sports, you ought to. It bears the same relationship to racing as high mass in the latin rite bears to a Catholic - the highest form of our most important ritual. It maybe isn't the place racing began, but it's certainly the greatest expression of what it means to race, and the organization of the event, with stages muddled together in seemingly random order, makes the results unpredictable. Every day might bring a new leader. This is how racing should be.

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