First, Ms. Nordgren allegedly went after him with a two iron, and did a bangup job. This is amazing because, if you've ever golfed, you know it's damn near impossible to hit what you're aiming at with a two iron. The girl has skillz...
Second, she managed to knock out a window on the SUV and hit Tiger using a Nike iron. This would make her the second person in the world, behind Tiger, who has ever been able to make a Nike golf club do what she wanted it to do. Admittedly, it was probably a re-badged Titleist. But indulge me here.
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In all seriousness, golf club assault is no laughing matter. It's rather like taking somebody on with a .22 pistol. Can you do the job with the wrong iron? Yeah, sure. But you'd better be damn good with it.
A friend of mine, now deceased thanks to cirrhosis, once arrived home really late in the midst of a drunken boondoggle to find his clothes on the lawn and on fire, James Brown style. As he approached his house, his then-wife came screaming out of the house with a 7 iron, and proceeded to beat on him for all she was worth. My friend Clark beat a hasty retreat, never to return again, or at least not until accompanied by a couple Military Po-Po as an escort to protect his person.
A few years later, over a drink, I asked him if he had learned anything from his whole experience with *that woman.* His answer was to-the-point: "Yep, sure did. If you're going to try to kick somebody's ass with a golf club, you'll need at least a 5 iron. And you should maybe consider using a fairway wood."
That right there is some hard-earned wisdom, friends. As any golfer will tell you, never leave it short. If in doubt, use the bigger club. You won't regret it.
A friend of mine, now deceased thanks to cirrhosis, once arrived home really late in the midst of a drunken boondoggle to find his clothes on the lawn and on fire, James Brown style. As he approached his house, his then-wife came screaming out of the house with a 7 iron, and proceeded to beat on him for all she was worth. My friend Clark beat a hasty retreat, never to return again, or at least not until accompanied by a couple Military Po-Po as an escort to protect his person.
A few years later, over a drink, I asked him if he had learned anything from his whole experience with *that woman.* His answer was to-the-point: "Yep, sure did. If you're going to try to kick somebody's ass with a golf club, you'll need at least a 5 iron. And you should maybe consider using a fairway wood."
That right there is some hard-earned wisdom, friends. As any golfer will tell you, never leave it short. If in doubt, use the bigger club. You won't regret it.
5 comments:
Never underestimate the power of THE STRANGE. Jude Law had Sienna Miller six ways from Sunday, whenever he wanted it. Did you see the skag he chose to screw that up with? Sienna Miller, aka "The Winning Hand." I point any naysayers to the scene in Layer Cake in which Daniel Craig gets kidnapped while waiting to shag the living bejeesus out of her as final proof.
Women I'm friends with think I'm a total pig for pointing this out, but the male (thinking with the big head) view of this is, if you're going to screw up the relationship, you might as well hold out until you hit the jackpot at the hundred dollar blackjack table, rather than playing a cup full of nickels up and down a row of one-armed bandits. Once you remove morality and the importance of maintaining your marriage / steady relationship out of it, it's about the transaction in the relationship, what value do the parties get from it (love, arm candy,companionship, social/financial benefit) because they damn sure aren't in it for character development and to live up to a particular standard. Was the guy smart, or not; did he pick well, or get picked over?
And yeah, Jude Law... WTF? That's approaching an Eddie Murphy / caught with transvestite level of "what the hell were you thinking?" People hook up - briefly or in a marriage - because they generally feel some level of compatibility, some comparable level of scores in the great big swim meet in the Gene Pool. You see a pig of a dude, just a vile, mean, stupid, lazy low forehead jerk with a great looking, smart accomplished woman, it's because he's got a bit of cunning and can dupe her into sticking with him. Sure, he doesn't swim the I.M. but he's got a great 400 butterfly - he's got a superpower that makes him competitive in the overall, whether that is driving her to distraction by ignoring her, destroying her self-esteem and making her dependent on him, whatever. He's found a way to compete. You see a guy who looks to have high scores across the board, a good all-arounder (Jude Law, ESPN guy), and he is with a woman who, to put it charitably, has no apparent qualities, and you know that either (1) she has a superpower, who knows exactly what that might be; or, (2) he's the Jamarcus Russell of this year's dating draft - underperforming in a big way, and doesn't give a shit if everybody knows about it.
And reading all that over, I'm convinced half my readers will find this comment really harsh and mean, the other half will wonder why I'm being so unduly charitable to cheaters...
So it's my Nike Golf Clubs that keep my score from breaking 90.
I knew it!
The Tiger thing looks like a case of a Marriage spilling out into the street. It happens sometimes. Nobody is dead yet so I hope they get some help from family/friends/professionals and are able to move forward. Good Luck Mr and Mrs. Woods.
I couldn't agree with your assessment more Jim.
Jonathan
I dig Tiger he wanting his privacy line. If you don't want your dirty laundry aired out in public, don't get it dirty in the first place. Then, don't cash those endorsement checks either. Hell, I'd let my girl friend beat me in public with a 9 iron at high noon on the steps of city hall for 1/10 of one percent of Tig's earnings. I'd be naked, too!!
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