Friday Fun Stuff

Euphomasochism – describing a painful event in such a way as to make it sound really fun or interesting. “Cyclocross!” Tour of France! It’s a Tour! How bad could it possibly be? Bikejam!

Training – the art of riding hard enough that it feels like you were run over by a train.

PowerTap Basics:

1. “PowerTap’ does not describe a new method of pumping beer from a Keg-ger-ator. It should though.
   
2. Allen – a tool that is very helpful if you've got a couple screws loose and you’re into racing bikes. Also, a type of wrench.
   
3. Functional threshold power – riding hard enough to puke… but not quite. Forever.
   
4. Critical Power – the ability of a Powertap through quiet, numerical recriminations to induce rider self-hatred stemming from pathetically low power output.
   
5. Acute training load – the power output of a good looking girl on a Powertap-equipped bike.
   
6. Chronic Training Load – Jamaican national track cycling team out for a leetle speen, mon.
   
7. Training stress points – riding so much that your wife/husband/SO starts screaming at you, stressing you out. A good method of training for the Keirin.
   
8. Training stress balance – the moment of equilibrium on a ride when the pleasure of riding the bike suddenly and perfectly offsets the pain of getting yelled at by (spouse/SO/boss/homophobic redneck in an F-150) about your love of riding bikes.
   
9. PowerTap – electronic device designed to suck the fun out of riding. Originally meant to supplement broken collarbones, bad roads and “that guy who keeps showing up for the club ride,” later versions are capable of handling the fun-sucking job all on their own.