Sure, I could joke about it. For instance:
Q: What's the difference between single ply recycled toilet paper and sandpaper?
A: Sandpaper is smooth on one side.
But I won't. The Toilet Paper Crisis is far, far too serious for joking. That 98% figure, and the estimation that this is one of the biggest problems, um, facing us, makes me realize I can't argue with facties like that or even joke about them. So if you truly care about saving the Erf, you need to use the roughest, nastiest recycled toilet paper you can find, because that's the stuff that used the least resources in the manufacturing process. Hell, maybe you should use sawdust chips, the ones you don't blend into your organic oatmeal for breakfast, anyhow. Sure, it won't be comfortable wiping yourself with what was a cardboard box just yesterday, but the constant achy, itchy feeling and periodic cuts and bruises on the most delicate part of your fundament will be a testament to your love of the Erf. I'm pretty certain you'll be able to brag about this at local Neighborhood Association meetings and at cocktail parties; I bet it gives you the permanent moral high ground in nearly any conversation.
For those who would like to enjoy the same amount of redemptive suffering but who cannot bear the thought you can buy a hair shirt and join a rigorous Catholic monastic order. Sorry I don't have a product link; Amazon does what they call "customer satisfaction" but they don't usually consider self-torture to be related to satisfaction. Maybe you could use one of these in the mean time: