Question: How fast can you go around the twisty grass chicane we engineered with cones? Answer: a little slower than I was going.
But my crash was pathetic, pedestrian. A true crash artist creates art when he goes down, making it a thing of beauty.
For instance, when Cross-riding (therefore dirty) Masters racer (thus old) Friend of the Coppi Kids (i.e. FOCK'er) Pete L. crashed this morning, he wittily threw his bike down in front of Scott T., perhaps to keep Scott from crashing on the same spot of slippery grass. I thought this was very generous of Pete, to offer to provide traction for his friends.
Scott, being the truly sensitive artistic type that he is, ran over Pete, narrowly missing his genitalia and skull, but scoring a direct hit on the wheelset, which made a crunchy noise as Scott did a Full Forward Lindy, Layout/Superman position, degree of difficulty: 4.6. (The bike was in layout position, Scott in Superman position, a difficult combination).
Together, Scott and Pete collaborated to make a thing of beauty, a piece of rolling sculpture that probably doesn't roll well or really work as sculpture, but a thing that could at least pass for art at Burning Man, providing it was late enough at night and you were standing close enough to the communal marijuana campfire.
I give you:
Okay, it's not that spectacular, but it goes to show the innate brilliance of 'cross bikes that these two bikes landed in that position, upright, while the riders bit it hard. Not content to have engineered themselves into a machine which the "rider" carries around half the course, 'cross bikes have clearly evolved, turning into vehicles that are capable of remaining in a standing position even though the riders crash.
Given 'cross bikes' proven ability to evolve, and to learn skills that help them outwit their riders, I have a serious concern that if anybody fits the new Shimano electronic Dura Ace gruppo to a cross bike, we could be facing a Skynet-type situation.
I think the UCI should enact a rule immediately prohibiting the installation of electronic Dura Ace to cross bikes.
For the good of mankind.