Question: How fast can you go around the twisty grass chicane we engineered with cones? Answer: a little slower than I was going.
But my crash was pathetic, pedestrian. A true crash artist creates art when he goes down, making it a thing of beauty.
For instance, when Cross-riding (therefore dirty) Masters racer (thus old) Friend of the Coppi Kids (i.e. FOCK'er) Pete L. crashed this morning, he wittily threw his bike down in front of Scott T., perhaps to keep Scott from crashing on the same spot of slippery grass. I thought this was very generous of Pete, to offer to provide traction for his friends.
Scott, being the truly sensitive artistic type that he is, ran over Pete, narrowly missing his genitalia and skull, but scoring a direct hit on the wheelset, which made a crunchy noise as Scott did a Full Forward Lindy, Layout/Superman position, degree of difficulty: 4.6. (The bike was in layout position, Scott in Superman position, a difficult combination).
Together, Scott and Pete collaborated to make a thing of beauty, a piece of rolling sculpture that probably doesn't roll well or really work as sculpture, but a thing that could at least pass for art at Burning Man, providing it was late enough at night and you were standing close enough to the communal marijuana campfire.
I give you:
Bikehenge
Okay, it's not that spectacular, but it goes to show the innate brilliance of 'cross bikes that these two bikes landed in that position, upright, while the riders bit it hard. Not content to have engineered themselves into a machine which the "rider" carries around half the course, 'cross bikes have clearly evolved, turning into vehicles that are capable of remaining in a standing position even though the riders crash.
Given 'cross bikes' proven ability to evolve, and to learn skills that help them outwit their riders, I have a serious concern that if anybody fits the new Shimano electronic Dura Ace gruppo to a cross bike, we could be facing a Skynet-type situation.
I think the UCI should enact a rule immediately prohibiting the installation of electronic Dura Ace to cross bikes.
For the good of mankind.
4 comments:
I hope you 'crossers realise that this form of racing was invented by a greedy LBS owner who decided that there wasn't enough carnage in track racing to feed his filthy habits.
Funny, I thought it was invented by a bunch of mentally ill Belgians jacked up on Duvel and crack, cheered on by some drunk Italian Tifosi.
Thanks for hitting me with the cluebat, Mike. Sheesh. The things you learn on teh intarwebs...
Yesterday was clearly not my day. First, while attempting to let a little air out of my front tire to compensate for the wet slick grass, I inadvertently loosened the valve core, which promptly blew off into the distance, resulting in a totally flat front tire. (Thanks to Jared for finding the valve core!) Not such a big deal, except I'm experimenting with tubeless tires, so I had to bum a tube from (??) just to get rolling again. (I hadn't thought to bring the necessary big-volume floor pump with me to get the tubeless tire seated again.) And yes, the sealant made a right milky mess. Then I tried to see if I could hit the turn past the tree like I hit the turns in Sunday's IMG crit; you know, big ring and all. The answer was a resounding no. Luckily no damage to Scott or me or our respective sculpture pieces. I am clearly not a good guest. I would not be surprised if I am un-invited from future sessions...
Hah. Funny Pete. You handled the crash with aplomb.
You're always welcome to ride with us. I crashed in just about the same manner doing my intervals through the little cone chicane we had set up, big ring and all, only Scott wasn't around to run me over and my bike landed prone, not upright. When I joke about the purpose of the practices being to push yourself and maybe crash and break equipment, I'm not actually joking, the whole point is that if you're going to foul something up pushing the envelope, you should do it in practice, rather than blowing a good finish in a race by trying something that's totally new to you, like skidding around the finishing turn on wet grass in your big ring...
See you Sunday at Ed Sander.
Post a Comment