Friday Night Services

Don't bother me tonight. I'm busy attending Friday Night Services. It's the church that many 'cross racers attend the Friday night before a Sunday Morning service.

Yeah, we're more dedicated than Baptists.

Our sacrament?

This:
We administer it primarily to those in need, those weak tubulars in need of reinforcement, those that are not yet set in the ways of righteousness. Our gospel:

Yea, verily, I say unto you, he that taketh not the sacrament three times three times, shall not enter the promised land but shall be condemned forever to run to the wheelpit, in search of clinchers that have been spared.

For both the wheel and the tape shall be covered; covered shall the tape and wheel be, three times three. Between each time thou administereth the balm, shalt thou partake of the Belgian unguent, for to fortify thy loins and make stout thine heart.

Although I ride through the valley of the Shadow of the Rolled, I will fear no wobble. For Vittoria is with me, it's ride, and it's staff.

Seek not the counsel of Tufo; for Tufo walketh not the paths of strength and righteousness.

Seek not either consort with Conti, for Conti are the sons of men, and weak.

Comfort not Tubasti neither; for Tubasti hath sinned in Bablyon in calling itself superior to the others when it was false, and for that hath the Lord made Tubasti weak.

Yea, shall ye administer the balm to all tubulars, both Grifo and Dugast, Tufo and Vittoria, bless its hallowed name.

Indeed, administer the balm sufficiently, and ye shall roll, yet not get rolled.

For I confesseth to thou the truth. Once was I deceived by the Great Deceiver, who spouteth all manner of lies.

And in the year of our Lord two millenia and four tenths score, did the Deceiver say, "even for those like unto large horses, shall tape and a single layer of the balm be sufficient."

Yet it were not, and though my field were level ahead and behind, it was not level to the side, and after I rolled, I could roll not and thereafter walked for the rest of my day.

Be thou not deceived; the road unto sufficiency is three times three times, and pauseth thou for thirty minutes between each application of the balm, to meditate upon its visage and to apply the Belgian unguent to thyself.

Then must thou make fast the tubular, filling it with the air of the fields to no less than three score pressure, no more than four score.

Rideth thou gently that wheel that thy tire is more bedded than the Madonna; see how great His works are, that the tire is made fast, and that thou art made faster.

Leavest thou then that wheel, full of the air of the field for one day. Rideth not that wheel in its repose.

On the second day shall it come to pass that the tube shall be made mostly empty. Release the air of the field back unto whence it came, until no more than one score five remains.

Then marveleth thou at the wonders of the balm.

Though his way is rough, it shall be made smooth. Though he slips mightily, he shall have foreknowledge of the rate and distance of the slip. Though his competitors be mighty, he shall be mightier still and overcome all suffering.

And verily sayeth the Lord's minister, he that followeth these laws and administereth the balm three times three before the cock crows, shall ride, and he shall not walk back to the wheelpits admonished.

Blessed too are those who listen to his prophets; for they shall ride and not be as weary, run and not stack the barriers.

Happy are those who apply the balm, and the unguent. For they shall roll and be happy, and yet shall not roll at times inopportune. Because that is how we roll.

By Grabthar's hammer, so is it written.

So let it be done.

Ah-men.