You eat fish, swim, eventually you'll hook up with a nice lady Emperor Penguin, have an egg together, walk a lot, throw up into your kid's mouth, then go eat fish and swim some more. Good times, good times...
But for today, you're walking around on a rocky island, cheeping at your buddies, enjoying the sun, and
OH NO! IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS? AAAAARRRRGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!! AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!
AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!
That's right. You're an Emperor Penguin, and you've just been raped by a seal.
Cripes.
Making matters worse, some South African scientists got it on film.
What next... I suppose they'll post it on the internet, right? Y'know, so everybody can get a sick, perverted kick out of the de-humanizing violence and intimidation that was visited on you. And they'll get their giggles, claiming it's "for science."
Naaah, nobody would be that awful and mean.
AAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
That's exactly what they did!
Jerks.
They even made fun of the penguin's O-Face, saying "at first glimpse, we thought the seal was killing the penguin." Um, okay, Professor Frink, [Glayvin!] I guess you've never seen that look ["la petit mort"] on anybody's face before so it's probably a forgivable error. But still, isn't it in poor taste to post this kind of smut on the intar-webs?
Read all about the seal-on-penguin assault right here, you sick bastards.
7 comments:
As a nice South-African, I am getting a kick out of this post.
It's like a metaphor for my entire road racing career.
LOL Jim. I cannot believe you thought this was important enough to blog about.
Who fuckin' cares, right? I am running a marathon tomorrow.
I think we should just put it down to adolescent experimentation on the part of the seal. Just like me and that goat at that frat party.
I mean, I never really expected a long term relationship. Or a baby. What place is there in the world for a half goat/half trackie.
Judi - I will defend to the death, or at least to the point of mild irritation, my right to be trivial on this blog. Ps. Let us know how your race went.
Mike - I don't know what place there is for a half-man, half-goat track racer, but to the extent there is such a place, I expect it is in a South African velodrome.
Jim
I thought Seth Efreeka only welcomed folks who were half a head taller, blonde haired, blue eyed centurion types. I figured a grumpy, stout omnivore with a steroid addiction wouldn't make the cut.
Mike, what does Tammy Thomas have to do with this?
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