So, imagine you're a medium-sized Kodachrome-colored flightless bird who smells vaguely like kippers. You think you got life pretty good as an Emperor Penguin, right? You're the cock of the walk, the biggest penguin out there. Rich guys pay good money to buy a suit to dress like you.
You eat fish, swim, eventually you'll hook up with a nice lady Emperor Penguin, have an egg together, walk a lot, throw up into your kid's mouth, then go eat fish and swim some more. Good times, good times...
But for today, you're walking around on a rocky island, cheeping at your buddies, enjoying the sun, and
OH NO! IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS? AAAAARRRRGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!! AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!
That's right. You're an Emperor Penguin, and you've just been raped by a seal.
Making matters worse, some South African scientists got it on film.
What next... I suppose they'll post it on the internet, right? Y'know, so everybody can get a sick, perverted kick out of the de-humanizing violence and intimidation that was visited on you. And they'll get their giggles, claiming it's "for science."
Naaah, nobody would be that awful and mean.
That's exactly what they did!
They even made fun of the penguin's O-Face, saying "at first glimpse, we thought the seal was killing the penguin." Um, okay, Professor Frink, [Glayvin!] I guess you've never seen that look ["la petit mort"] on anybody's face before so it's probably a forgivable error. But still, isn't it in poor taste to post this kind of smut on the intar-webs?
Read all about the seal-on-penguin assault right here, you sick bastards.