Conceptual Series: Movies as My Bike Imagines Them

Recovery ride today - commuting in and out at *low* speed. Got passed by a BTG that I have tormented recently with BTG Intervals. He comes up behind me pedal mashing, gets up to me, gives me the hairy eyeball, then does a standing sprint until he's a hundred yards ahead. Then he stays there the whole way up the Cap Crescent. Meanwhile, I'm spinning along doing about 14. Couldn't even be bothered to spin up to him and screw with him. Bit of a headwind today, gave me some time to think...

What if my bike re-wrote some of my favorite movies?

The Untouchables: “They put one of yours on hybrid, you put one of theirs on a fixie. They put one of yours on a Huffy, you put one of theirs on a Magna. They give one of yours a Sora, you give one of theirs an Alivio. It’s the Chicago way. SRAM has a nice headquarters building there, by the way.”

Caddyshack: “So the Lama tells me, on my deathbed, I’ll get total enlightenment, and a set of Zip 404s. So at least I got that going for me. Which is nice.”

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy: What? You pooped in the weeds? And you ate the whole box of Gu packets? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing. How 'bout we get you in your lycra and we hit the trainer for four hours."

Bull Durham: I believe in the Church of Bicycle. I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 links in a properly sized Wipperman chain. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work out between us."

Glengarry Glen Ross: "Put that Accellerade down. That Accellerade's for sprinters."

The Big Lebowski: “F*** it, Dude. Let’s go biking.”

Yeah, that's some pretty dismal shit. But do you know how frickin' looped your mind gets when you're riding 14 miles an hour, for over an hour, going up a boring ass biketrail hill? The weather was a little sketchy, gray and windy. Very few interesting looking people were out using the trails, mostly just a bunch of commuters. And the trip was slow. Did I mention that?

Frankly, I think I deserve a medal for not grabbing some hapless commuter's wheel and setting fire to his panniers, just to break up the boredom.