Funny Photos

Fellow Coppi Lindsey, whose Pro Wrasslin' nickname would definitely be The Ultimate Road Warrior, sent along an email, "Olan Mills Photos." No, it's not an old textiles town near Duluth, it's a sort of industrial-grade photo portrait studio. It's not exactly Annie Liebowitz, so the photos typically aren't exactly beautiful, and for that matter, sometimes the people aren't exactly chiseled from noblest marble, either. So the email had these captions that were funny, but I think I can do a lot better. If you can top mine, just leave a caption in comments. Refer to the number, and then make us laugh. Here's my best.

1

Some a them midwest cornfed girls is really big. It's true.
That dog is actually a full grown doberman.

2

If you look at the past through rose-colored glasses, you get nostalgiac. Do it through orange-colored glasses, you get a 70's divorcee dad down from Bismark on visitation Saturday.

3

I don't know if it's the gay vibe, I don't know if it's the scared looking girl. It could be that the whole thing reeks of a crystal meth binge. But something there pretty much screams,

"WHO THE FUCK POSES FOR A PHOTO LIKE THIS IN A WALMART PHOTO STUDIO?"

4

Clean Sanchez: The World's First Jewish/Mexican/Scandanavian
New Wave Band from Minneapolis

5

Shaped hairstyles: $24 at Supercuts.
Matching aquamarine dress shirts: $32 at Marshalls.
Perfectly groomed moustaches: free
A combination Whitefro/Mullet: priceless.

6

In spite of being followed around by a giant, disembodied floating
head, Ted was still able to laugh. Maniacally, in fact.



7

The Boys From Brazil

8

Honey, I wouldn't trade you in for all the disused law books,
beard combs and heavily tinted glasses in Olathe, Kansas.

9

I'm a pickin', an a grimacin'.



10

The early pioneers had it tough, traveling across the plains in leisure suits in covered conestoga wagons, sometimes being dragged out of their wagons to be shot by warring indian tribes, and sometimes to be shot by pushy itinerant mall photographers.

11

Either the Druids or the Aztecs would get her;
but Mary didn't care, she was tired of being a virgin.


12

Let me guess... Hells Angels, Southern Baptist Chapter?

Alternate: Scared straight? Well, scared anyhow.

13

We're smiling because we just bought a *bitchin* Camaro!
You can too! Ask us how!


14

We were poorer then, in the 70's... the entire nation could afford only one hairstyle.
Fortunately, lapels were in abundance, otherwise we might never have made it.


15

I feel pretty...
Oh so pretty...
Oh so pretty, and witty, and...
Oh, fudge! I always forget the next line.



16

Yeah, dude, it's a mullet. Business in the front, par-tay in the rear.
Aaaaah, fuck it, dude. Par-tay in the front too!. Whoohooo!


17

Bein' the only Black child in all of Minnesota made Tonisha's hairs all stand on end. And me an Dory, we're actually startin' to like Lutefisk. And hockey! Help, somebody, please! Here, take this note, go to Detroit, and give it to a man named John Shaft, ai'ight?

18

Vote for Pedro.