You know what an Unholy Rouleur is? It's somebody who the derny can't keep up with on the flats, but who starts blaspheming when the road turns upward, because he knows he has come undone. You can't get that way - e.g. strong but somehow thoroughgoingly mediocre - in fact downright stinky in a lot of respects - without focused training.
Forthwith, the first in a series - Gearing Up, subtitled: Train like an Unholy Rouleur. In which I will reveal my secrets for being kinda quick, but seriously sucking ass at the same time. Not everybody is capable of doing this, and in fact, I do not recommend it. It takes a lot of work, some natural talent for dissipation, and donuts. Many, many donuts. But if it's the road you chose, so be it. Here's the path.
The first training tip: How to kick ass on really long runups. I believe the photo is self-explanatory.
Unholy Rouleur Doing a Runup of Mt. Kilmanjaro With
Bike, Hardtack, Holland & Holland Rifle, and his Trusty Manservant
You train runups like this, you'll be able to run them like I do. So you have my secret.
You're on your own, however, for finding a trusty manservant. Good manservants are damned hard to find.
H/t Embrocation.
5 comments:
If you can't find a trustworthy manservant, I highly recommend a length of rope and a goat.
These guys look like early folding-bike aficionados, possibly having experienced frame hinge problems. It's *such* a bitch trying to ride a bike that's separated into two parts...
It always comes back to the goats with you, doesn't it Mike? What are you, an adherent of Goatonapoly?
Bob, agreed. Cross would be much easier with a Dahon.
Jim - I thinks it's more the synergy of looks and stubbornness that I (and you) share with goats that makes it such a good match.
BM
Not to mention eating, mating, and hygiene habits.
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