Your Monday Picker Upper

Feeling down?

Feeling stupid?

Don't.

No matter how dumb you are, there is somebody out there much, much dumber than you could ever imagine being.

Trust me on that.

Or if you don't believe me, check out this video.

See? You're not the dumbest person in the world, no matter what your parents, teachers and girlfriend keep telling you.


Double Special Extra Bonus Points: Check out the Troy Aikman face she makes. Suuuu--wwwweeeeeet.

Triple Extra Bonus Points: If that made you hungry, how 'bout a Sheet of Meat? Mmmmmmmm... "I'll have the sheet of barbecue pork. Could I get a couple beams of corn, and a couple tie rods of hush puppies while you're at it?" Man... nothing reinforces our place in industry, like being told that in the future we'll eat sheets of lab-grown meat...

On the plus side, think of how efficient it will be to buy a 36"x24" sheet of steak for your next picnic... just slap that bad boy on the grill, flip it once, and it will be perfectly cooked. You'll be able to cut the thing with a table saw, bevel the edges with a nice English Roundover bit on your router, and serve it up with a couple attractively dado'ed ears of corn. Hell, you won't need knives any more, you'll be able to efficiently slice the sheet into sandwich meat on your band saw. Mmmmmmmm... I'm going to love being a more productive industrial unit contributing to society by eating more efficiently cultured meat sheets.

Y'know what? I'm not optimistic about the future when I read about how we'll all chow down on "sheets of meat." I yield to no man in my love of meat in all its forms - near raw, medium rare, marinated, ground, raw in some cases, well done if properly seasoned, smoked, sauteed, or included in some kind of processed blend inside a synthetic gut casing. I think Slim Jims are a gift from God, although not as nice a gift as bacon and turkey jerky.

But reading about sheets of meat is almost disgusting enough to make me donate to PETA, swear off meat and turn vegan.

What, are you nuts? Me turn vegan?

Hey, I said it was almost enough. Now wouldja shut up and pass me a couple blankets of Spam?

Thanks.