Didja ever notice, when you're riding and not trying to think hard, you think of some pretty funny stuff? Some pretty dumb stuff too. Here's some utterly random thoughts I've laughed about and tried to remember over the last week's racing and training.
God. I'm so hurting I can't even lift my head up. All I can do is stare at my front wheel on this hill. Really. I can't look where I'm going. Screw it, I'm going to ride the next three laps like this. I don't care if I f***ing crash. At least I won't have to ride any more if that happens.
- Tacchino Ciclicross, two or three laps from the end
The least people could do if they're riding those really low recumbent trikes on multi-use trails, is to have a pedal-powered police siren or something. It's not possible to ride looking at the ground 100 feet ahead for rapidly oncoming scuttling land crabs...
- This morning after nearly getting taken out by a recumbent trike that was, no shit, barely 24 inches tall with rider.
Shit... why am I drooling and surpressing the urge to vomit... this is only an easy zone 1 commute to work... Oh, God, it's Art's Capitol Crescent Ride coming past me... just wave at them. Stop drooling. [wave] [stomach heave] Oh my God, this is awful, I should go home... No, I can't do that. [Blurg] [Spit] Man. I bet the kid gave this to me. I love him, but...[drool, spit, retch]
- Me, on Tuesday's commute.
Oh man, my legs are burning. I can't let that Phred on the mountain bike pass me on this hill. This is pathetic. Crap... you take a week off the bike to heal up a sinus infection and watch over a sick kid and it takes 2-3 weeks to recover form... and this Phred is about to pass me. Oh well. Just smile and say, "nice day for a recovery spin, huh?"
- Me, on Monday's commute.
Awesome. I'm hauling butt today. I'm only trying to do a light spin, but I'm doin' 22. Sweeeeeeeeeet... I guess it's possible to recover form once in a while. Hey, wait a minute... what if I race Saturday? Is this going to screw me up? Can you use up good form, even if you're only just spinning along? Oh, shit. I'm so screwed for this race Saturday. I'm going to be all tired now.
- Me, on Thursday's comute.
I'll just catch up to that girl up there. She looks mighty fine as bike commuters go... Holy crap, this is hard, she's moving. Crap. Dammit. But I'm commited to it. Plus she's a girly commuter. I have to catch up. Crap. Are we going 25? Shit! We are. Hey, what's that jersey she's got on under that commuter vest... Hells no! She ain't a commuter. She's with HPC List! God my legs burn... Oh, thank goodness she's turning off. Well, I guess now my legs really will be screwed for the race Saturday. Idiot.
- Me, towards the end of Thursday's commute.
Lordy, I see this same group of housewife joggers on the Cap Crescent just about every single day, rain or shine. There must be 20 of them. They all look really good. I should wave, but they're probably like the national capitol region NOW chapter and they'd kick my ass for being an old lech.
- Me, on every morning commute.
Hey, that deer needs to get out of the trail. Hmmm... big fat buck, four points... he'd be some tasty eating. I could make some jerky. I love me some jerky. Hey! Self! Shut up and quit thinking about food! You're about to hit that deer! [Aaaaaiiiiieeeeee]
- Me, later on in every morning commute by the Boathouse.
"F*** you!" "Put down the phone, lardass!" "Trying to kill me? Jerk..." "Do you get points for every cyclist you hit, schmuck?" "Didn't you learn how to dodge cyclists when you were learning on goat carts wherever it was you learned to drive?" "Man, I'm an assault just waiting to happen... I need to have a coffee before I leave the house, this could be trouble." "It's open season. I need to buy more life insurance, and switch to the health insurance that's got no deductible for emergency room visits."
- Collection of a week's worth of commuting thoughts from K Street/Pennsylvania Avenue, between G-town and the White House.
I can't wait to get home and see my kid. Can't wait until he gets older and we can ride together. Can't believe how fast he's growing. Come to think of it, maybe I can wait for some of that stuff. Hey, did I just hit a squirrel?
- Training ride thoughts the other day.
What are your oddball thoughts when you ride?