Secret Lab Emails Prove Floyd Landis' Innocence!

A story broke today that has rocked the cycling world. It turns out that data integrity and security at the French lab that busted Floyd Landis for doping leaves a lot to be desired, and unknown persons were able to steal reams of documents and test information from the lab's servers. But what kind of documents were purloined by the hackers?

Here, for the first time, it can be revealed, in a sensational new story.

A secret contact, known to this blog only by his web handle, Davide ZebraFrisky, forwarded to me the enclosed email string hacked from the lab's servers. I think it exonerates Floyd, and quite clearly proves what Phil Liggett and Floyd's lawyers have alleged: that the lab in question is crooked as a dog's hind leg, and can't be trusted.

You will have to scroll to the bottom and read up, I'm afraid; I reproduced the email here in its entirety, so that it's validity and authenticity would be clear beyond the shadow of a doubt. But even as you read up the email string, I'm sure you'll become convinced, as did I, that our spotless hero Floyd was set up and is the victim of yet another example of French perfidy.
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---- Original Message -----
From: Escroquerie, Stefan
To: le Mouffette, Henri; la Abruti, Louis; Grenouille, Francois
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 10:18
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

Zees is, how you say, zee cool. Let’s do eet!

----- Original Message -----
From: Grenouille, Francois
To: le Mouffette, Henri; la Abruti, Louis
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 10:14
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

Yeah, perfectly safe. Same guy zat does security for the CIA. We’re impénétrable like zee Maginot Line.

----- Original Message -----
From: Escroquerie, Stefan
To: le Mouffette, Henri; la Abruti, Louis; Grenouille, Francois
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 10:10
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

Zees is zee stroke of zee génie.

We sleep some drogs in le Floyd’s pisse, an’ nobody da wiser.

But you teenk it safe to discuss ziss on zee company leest serve?

----- Original Message -----
From: Grenouille, Francois
To: le Mouffette, Henri; la Abruti, Louis
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 10:08
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

Zat ees zee easy part. Everybody will believe le Floyd is zee guilty. So many of zee others is up to zee tirette in zee EPO, zee anabolicals, zee amphetamines… nobody ever believe a cyclist is clean, zey always look good. So ziss year, wizz zee heavy testing... zey never seen a clean bike racers, so they gonna question when a guy have some good days, some bad days, zey gonna tink it's zee drugs. Zee cleaner he iss, zee more it look like zee drugs.

----- Original Message -----
From: Escroquerie, Stefan
To: le Mouffette, Henri; la Abruti, Louis; Grenouille, Francois
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 10:04
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

Zees ees intriguing, Francois. What makes you seenk it weel work? How can we do zees?

----- Original Message -----
From: Grenouille, Francois
To: le Mouffette, Henri; la Abruti, Louis
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 09:56
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

Okay, we wait until zee Floyd, he have zee beeg day. Zen I take zee sample from zee race horses, we sweetch it up, inject a little proheebited drogs, and zen just report zee results to zee Dick Pound. Zat Dick, he don’t be asking any questions, he just happy to screw with zee cyclists. And no way zee French papers ask zee tough questions… zey hate zee Americains worse zen zee kids burning down zee suburbs, worse zen zee anglo words, worse zen zee sight of zee German soldaten...

----- Original Message -----
From: Escroquerie, Stefan
To: le Mouffette, Henri; la Abruti, Louis; Grenouille, Francois
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 09:55
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

Silence! Continue.

----- Original Message -----
From: le Mouffette, Henri
To: la Abruti, Louis; Grenouille, Francois
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 09:52
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

Heh, heh. You said le Dick.

----- Original Message -----
From: Grenouille, Francois
To: le Mouffette, Henri; la Abruti, Louis
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 09:50
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

Eh, Henri, I teenk zat is a preety good idea. But I seenk Francois ees right. We are better maybe doing someting else… those polizia are so crooked, some Belgian come along with some argent, some pot belge, pretty soon all the charges get dropped. Dey nearly as bad as zee French police, just better smelling, and better moustaches. At least on zee women. Zen zee teams are hiring zee Phonak guys, everbody act like zee rien be 'appening, everbody forget, start cheering, "allez, allez," like nothing never 'appened.

But I teenk maybe we can use this Anglais idiot retardé Dick Pound work for the gloire of le France.

----- Original Message -----
From: Escroquerie, Stefan
To: le Mouffette, Henri; la Abruti, Louis; Grenouille, Francois
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 09:45
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

Zat ees an intriguing idea, but I do not seenk it will work. You tink zee Tour take zee doping problem seriously? I do not seenk so.

----- Original Message -----
From: le Mouffette, Henri
To: la Abruti, Louis; Grenouille, Francois
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 09:33
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

I was seenking… Maybe we sleep hees name to the polizia hispagnola. Say hees code name was “HorsinBuggy.” Or “SchwarzePantaloon.” Or “Yoder the Jedi Master.” Zey impleecate heem in no time, and zen zee Phonak fire heem. Zen France return to zee cycling gloire.

----- Original Message -----
From: Escroquerie, Stefan
To: le Mouffette, Henri; la Abruti, Louis; Grenouille, Francois
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 09:28
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

Silence, fools!

What are we to do about zee Floyd?

----- Original Message -----
From: Grenouille, Francois
To: le Mouffette, Henri; la Abruti, Louis
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 09:27
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

Zey do not have zee Whopper.

----- Original Message -----
From: le Mouffette
To: la Abruti, Louis Henri; Grenouille, Francois
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 09:26
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

And le Whopper?

----- Original Message -----

From: Grenouille, Francois
To: le Mouffette, Henri; la Abruti, Louis
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 09:25
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

Le Beeg Mac.

----- Original Message -----
From: le Mouffette
To: la Abruti, Louis Henri; Grenouille, Francois
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 09:25
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

Oh yeah? Zen what do zey call zee Beeg Mac?

----- Original Message -----

From: Grenouille, Francois
To: le Mouffette, Henri; la Abruti, Louis
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 09:24
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain


Eees a ‘amburger Royale, débile!

----- Original Message -----
From: le Mouffette
To: la Abruti, Louis Henri; Grenouille, Francois
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 09:22
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

‘ow about we spike hees Quarter Pounder?

---- Original Message -----

From: Grenouille, Francois
To: le Mouffette, Henri; la Abruti, Louis
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 09:20
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

Non, non. Zat ees not zee good idea. What wiz zee crazy Boosh cowboy, he a beeg bicyclists, you know, we could be facing zee Americain attaque militaire if you do zat.

But what to do?

Any ideas, imbéciles?

----- Original Message -----
From: la Abruti, Louis
To: le Mouffette, Henri; Grenouille, Francois
Cc: Escroquerie, Stefan; Le Listserve Laboratoire Ecureuil
Sent: Lundi, 14 Juliet, 2006 09:10
Subject: Re: le bâtard américain

Eh, Henri. What are we to do about zees le Floyd Landis? I tought we were done wiz zee americains, what wiz zee pretender, le dauphin Hincapie, doing zee beeg how you say, bobine, eh, choke on zee heels.

Can we kill him?