I watched Quicksilver for the first time this weekend. I had known of its existence for a long time, but never saw it before. I knew it had something to do with bikes. So when it came up on On Demand, I ordered it up. What can I say... in the immortal words of The Critic, "It Stinks!"
How bad was it?
Bad enough that when the scene occurs where Kevin Bacon is in his apartment fixing the cute messenger girl's bike/flirting and his girlfriend comes home, I had to exit out of On Demand and check out the History Channel, which was airing a show on the development of cement, or something like that.
It was so bad, that I was embarassed for Kevin Bacon. Never mind the inconsistencies of it. Hey, nice fixie...er, where'd that derailer come from? Where are the brakes on that thing? Ooops, guess it's fixed again, since you're spinning the handlebars around. Never mind all that. It's just the worst non-acting mugging I've ever seen.
It was so bad... well, I've never walked out on a completely inoffensive movie before, ever. It was that bad. Ever smelled rotten onions before? Y'know how it took days for the stink to clear out of your nostrils? Yeah, that's how I feel about that freakin' movie. It was that bad.
2 comments:
It's not a bike movie. Who told you it was a bike movie? It's just a cliche with a bike in it.
The good guy loses. The bad guy nearly gets the girl. The bad guy loses. The good guys all win. One of the good guys gets the girl.
Yeah, true, but it's not even good cliches. It couldn't make up its mind which bad cliche it wanted to be. It was standing there at the cliche smorgasbord, and couldn't figure out whether to be the crummy meatball of a cliched flick, or the lousy wilted salad of a cliched flick. So instead it piled the plate high with jello and cauliflower cliche, and covered it with cold gravy cliche. After that, it had a stomach ache and bad gas... in other words it stunk, painfully.
I think you just like it because Kevin Bacon was an early adopter of the Mullet.
All Hail the Mulllet! Bask in its Mulletude!
Damn. I have got to lay off on the espresso shots on the ride into work.
Post a Comment